Being a Father

As a young boy I had a notion I wanted to have children at a young age, I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be like this. I’ve always looked at “Father” as a prestigious title.  Even though it doesn’t really take much effort to become one ref: Bad Parents Blog. Whether it’s “Dad” or “Father” I’m certain we all know there’s a difference between someone who can impregnate a woman and one who does the aforementioned and also consistently works the never-ending job of being a father.

I had a pretty good example growing up.  Dad was a figure no one could say wasn’t doing his job. He was there for counsel, support, and many other things as well as being a bread-winner and a role-model. He never sought-out attention or appreciation for this.  Not outside of the respect which should come naturally from a child. No complaints there.  So, where I went wrong is beyond me.

 

It’s not hard to be derailed.  I always had a set of expectations as to what would happen after I had children. I for one KNEW FOR SURE, I’d never spank my children.  I hated getting spanked, slapped or whipped with any objects and I swore I wouldn’t do that to my children.  I’d never talk down to them, and I’d never cock-block my sons.  LoL.  Just a few things I always said as a child/teen. Needless to say most of that went out the window when the time came.

There were so many things I didn’t take into consideration.  Like… having a daughter.  Or having a bad ass child. Or what would happen if my kids did the same shit I did as a child.  It seems no one thinks about that.  My parents were very good examples for me growing up.  So, that time I got caught stealing from the BX in Germany, I can understand why my parents didn’t even want to look at me.  Like… why was I stealing?  I never saw my parents steal anything.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen my parents do anything illegal other than exceed the speed limit.  Which…. is something everyone who has every driven a car has done. I think people sometimes forget how many things they’ve done in spite of their parent’ teachings.  I know grown people who are now parents themselves that have done things that they will NEVER inform their parents of… anywho.

 

When I had my first child, Aniyah, I was ecstatic! For many years I thought I couldn’t have children.  Though in my early years of sexual activity I was an avid condom user, there were a few pops and 2 strong long-term girlfriends whom I raw-dogged on the regular.  The baby-batter didn’t seem to want to make any muffins. So when I met my childrens mother, I had a new outlook on sex.

I was HOPING she was pregnant.  Or else one of the major plans in my life would not pan out for me.  But… she was indeed pregnant. Winter of 2003 in Dothan, Alabama, Aniyah was conceived in a Suburban Lodge on Circle rd. Room 426 I believe.  I’d just started aviation contracting and I had no idea what I was doing.  In life.  At work. As a potential father.  Matter-of-fact, the only place I felt I knew what I was doing was in bed. Which… also, turned out to not be true. Eh!

I wasn’t ready.  I was excited, but not ready.  Financially, professionally, and definitely my maturity level was lacking.  It took three kids over three consecutive years to get me to the point where I realized that being a father isn’t a part time job.( Ref: Bad Parents Blog for specifics ) And it wasn’t until my second son Jaixon was born did I get to the point where I was holding myself 100% accountable for the well-being of my family. Six years! Six years of half-assing it as a dad!

Pitiful.  Anyway.

As of late, I would like to think that I’ve been making sure that my family is my first priority.  Well, at least my children anyway.  I’m sure have improvements I can make. Who doesn’t?  I do my job.  And I don’t want any accolades, congratulatory remarks or applause.  I look at it like this:  They’re here, because of ME.  It’s my responsibility to make sure that my children have everything they need and some of what they want.  I think for these past 6 years I’ve been on a steady incline in this field.  And I do it happily.  It’s pleasurable to provide for my children.  I HATE WORKING!!!! on a personal level,  But I love being the one to provide for them. The rewards, though I’m not seeking them out are automatic and endless.  From my 2 year old, running to the door with her hands extended up to me [a reward for being a constant in her life, a figure and face she recognizes as a caring, loving and easily-manipulated one] to my 9 year old drawing me pictures, and laminating them for me so I can take them places with me, or my 11 year old making me cards to read over and over while I’m way [reward for making the sacrifice to go abroad for work to take care of them]. My sons come to me for advice sometimes.  And come to me for challenges, whether it be physical or something on a video game. [A reward for being the main male role-model in their lives] I enjoy my job perks. And now that I actually deserve them, it makes it all the better. [Because we all know… whether you’re a good parent or NOT, your children WANT to love you.  Well… I hope we all know that]

As far as the other side of being a parent.  The physical presence and love portion.  I feel like I’ve always had the desire, AND the love, but I haven’t always been there.  Before, as a more irresponsible Dad, I was missing for a 60/40 Work to pleasure ratio.  Now… I’m gone for a 99/1 percent work to pleasure ratio.  I’ve robbed my kids of a lot of time.  Whether it was for work or pleasure.  So I try to make up for it now.

I try to be as thoughtful as possible and think of more ways I can improve and enrich their lives… like a parent is supposed to.  I don’t think I know anything anyone else doesn’t.  But as I’ve said many times before, I think with the ins and outs of everyday life, parents forget that parenting isn’t just paying bills and making sure the kids stay alive.  LoL.  That’s a baseline requirement.  Children require time and attention, no matter what age they are.

I don’t need to take classes and or read a whole bunch of books to know this.  I was a child once, and I’m a parent now.

You don’t send your child to school and assume that they’re getting all they can get out of the lesson.

You don’t let your children come home from school saying “We don’t have any homework today” and just let them do whatever they want for the rest of the evening.

You don’t buy [or send your kid to the] movies and let them watch them alone…

You don’t ignore your kid when they tell you they’re being bullied or mistreated at school.

I make sure I have my kids read every day after school,,, homework or not.  I look through their folders and homework, school work [and sometimes that’s not even enough] and am going to start communicating with teachers more often just to complete that circle.

I try my best to IMDB the movies I let my kids watch if I don’t watch the entire thing with them or beforehand.  Most of the shit my kids get into are because of something they were influenced to do or say in a movie, tv show or music video.

And claims of being mistreated at school… I’ve recently learned should NEVER be discounted.  No matter how much you think bullying, or racism or WHATEVER is harmless and or a thing of the past… I assure you that’s incorrect.

 

Today’s fathers… I don’t even know where to begin. Half of us are part of a generation where having an absentee father is almost normal, so what do we think is to happen now? We’ve already learned about my stint in bad-dad land. But there are some who just do NOT CARE and never will.  It’s always baffled me.  From the deadbeats who just… never lift a finger, to those who think paying child support is the most!

Let me say this about child support.  And I know women have been court-ordered to pay child support before as well, but.. I’m not talking about women.  Men and child support:

If you lay down and create a child with a woman, you are half responsible for that child’s well-being.  Period.  That’s half… of EVERYTHING.  Rent.  Food.  Cloth’s. School supplies. Field trips.  Band instruments.  Doctors visits.  Car Notes.  Day Care. Christmas Gifts. Birthday gifts.  Medicine. Utility bills. Cell Phone bills. Braces. And a million other little things they may want or need along the way!

IF YOU AREN’T AT LEAST GOING TO SPEND TIME WITH THE KID, COME AROUND OR BE AVAILABLE FOR “YOUR WEEKEND WITH THE KID(S)” PAY YOUR FUCKING CHILD SUPPORT!

You are 50% responsible for that child being on this earth.  At the very least, pay that shit.  I know… I know… some women use child support as a tool to keep you broke… and I’m sorry.  Fight it out in court, but if you aren’t trying to care for them, at least pay your child support, or whatever amount of money you and the other parent have decided on.  I’ve met SO MANY WOMEN who tell me the father of their child(ren) is right across town and won’t visit them.  That’s bad enough, but not only that, he hasn’t sent but $50 for the kid that month!  Or that year!  Or less!  Or she called him for some money for some shoes for the baby… Nothing.  Or, the guys who wont cough up any money for the baby if he can’t get any action.  COME ON!!!!! That’s the worst.  That really grinds my gears [almost as much as single mothers wishing themselves a Happy Father’s Day… almost.]

Just like ex-smokers hate smokers more than everyone else… I’m an ex-shitty dad.  And I hate shitty dads lol.  Well… maybe I wasn’t shitty, but I wasn’t doing my job at times.  And that’s bad enough.  It really irks me to see guys who just… refuse to do anything for their kids!  It’s really sad.

 

No one really can say whether I’m a good dad.  Except for the kids anyway.  Not even I like to profess to being a good father.  All I know is, I’m doing my job.  And that’s what I think being a father is all about.  Loving your kid(s) and taking care of them, without seeking recognition for it.

Which is why I have more [biological] kids than anyone you know yet you rarely see me posting pictures of them.  They’re my kids.  The lights of my life!  Not show-n-tell projects!  It’s not necessary for me to show everyone every picture I take with them.  The only reason I put pictures up in this blog is because I’ve been putting media in my blogs all year and I felt it was appropriate.  With clearance from their mother, you guys are getting blessed with a few of the hundreds of thousands of pictures I have of myself and my children. Since I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone… you don’t see shit like this from me. Part of being a good parent I believe is protecting your children. And pasting pictures of your kids all over the INTERNET isn’t really smart. Social media, DATING SITES… I mean seriously? Especially those who chose to divulge the whereabouts of them and or their children.  Disaster waiting to happen.

Well anyway… there’s my fathers day rant. I’m glad and feel truly blessed for my children.  Each of them has at least one special thing about them.  I have a unique parenting style that was created just for them.  They respond to me, even though they’re getting older and more sassy… and sometimes unfortunately, more like their parents. But they respect me, and obey me, as much as you can expect 2-11 year old children to lol. And I try my best to do right by them at all times. But I’m the lucky one. They’re the ones who taught me about being a father.

 

Happy Fathers Day to all the MEN out there being fathers, loving and caring for their children… and trying more every day to be a better father than the day before.

 

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