Greetings and salutations. I’ll be getting started with no delays or introductions today. Judging by the still of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” sitcom character, Carlton Banks and the infamous rant by young Riley Freeman from “The Boondocks”, one should already be able to tell where I’m headed.
The Black and White stereotypes have a reputation for a reason. Just like the stereotypes for any color, race, or ethnicity. As time goes on, we’re able to joke about them more and more it seems. But the jokes are just a mask [albeit a humorous one] to hide the ugly truth: Many people really feel this way.
Speaking English / Younger Years
Growing up, I had it rough in this aspect. I grew up on military installations. With two military parents, who weren’t very country, street or City. They were just Americans. They spoke as properly as they knew how without trying to. They were just naturally themselves. Which is funny, because my father is from Tchula, Mississippi, and my mother, from Chickasha, Oklahoma. Both places are ESL [English as a Second Language]. I blame the military. Those who stayed in Chickasha, Tchula or any place like it, still sound like they wake to the sound of a rooster. Whereas, my mother and father are like room temperature water. Not too far on one side, not too far on the other. It was only natural that I came out the same.
With that going for me, plus the fact that I loved to read as a child, I didn’t sound like what people thought I was supposed to sound like. This among other things led to me being ostericized from many groups, friendships and activities as a youth. I was well-spoken, proper, and corny-as-fuck. I guess I still am… any way. On top of that, while the other children were sporting Nike’s, 7-Day-Shitters [MC Hammer pants], backwards hats, backwards shirts, Triple Fat Goose jackets, Starter jackets, Timberland boots, or whatever was cool… I was not.
In my last blog I mentioned how I had a minor klepto phase. Got caught. Ended up in a juvenile correction program. And even THAT wasn’t good/hood “black” enough. Because I wasn’t stealing the right CD’s! The black guys on the bus on the way to Mannheim Army Correctional Facility made fun of me because stealing a DMX or a NAS CD would’ve been cool… But I was stealing Jazz CD’s.
So, even as a juvenile criminal I wasn’t “black” enough.
Stereotypes from White People
I recall riding the school bus from NeiderWalluf, Germany to Wiesbaden one morning for school. I used to be the one to keep everyone entertained by telling stories or acting out my favorite Eddie Murphy Raw scenes [which I barely understood]. One morning, this guy named Dan told a story. Within the first few seconds of the plot, he mentioned that the main character of the story was “trying to act black”.
The story was never finished.
As a 10th grader, I forced him to explain to me what he meant by that. Not because I’m militant. Not because I’m a bully, or a rabblerouser, [I wasn’t THEN at least] but because I truly wanted to understand what people thought it meant be and or to act black.
I’ve had this conversation many times since then. And it usually has to do with listening to rap music, saying shit like “yo yo yo”, baggy clothes, and stupid shit like that. It’s pretty insulting. And stupid.
On top of that, I’ve been told that I’m “The whitest black person ______ have met” more times than I’d like to admit. And why is that exactly? Because I’ve:
1: Never smoked weed
2: Listen to the likes of Nickleback, RHCP, Sublime, Norah Jones, Justin Beiber etc
3: I don’t like cars with overly huge rims
4: All my children are by the same woman
5: I’m not afraid of large bodies of water…?
6: I try to speak proper English
7:I don’t get offended by the word “Nigger” or any of its variants
8: I don’t participate in certain sexual activities
Which leads me to…
Stereotypes from women
These are pretty funny and equally pathetic stereotypes as well. Backing it up to the children, I always get the same question from women when they find out I have more than one child. “How many baby-mommas do you have?”
First of all… I have ZERO “babymommas”. Second, they’re all by the same woman. And GASP! I also take care of them! It’s what I’m supposed to do! But for some reason I get congratulated by new women I meet for these few attributes. It’s sick. I’d hate to think it were because of my skin color.
As far as the sex goes, apparently a lot of non-black [white women] claim to only like black men. And for the DUMBEST fucking reasons.
1:We all have big, thick, hanging cocks. [Not true] Because I happen to be black & I have a TINY penis.
2:We fuck better. [I’m certain we don’t] I mostly anger women with my sex.
3:We smack ass, pull hair, talk shit, and keep our ball caps on while we’re hitting it from the back! [Bitch, WHAT?]
I don’t cosign ANY of this shit! Like honestly… I don’t play the “Black King” card… like, ever… I’m more into individual merits, not ones based off the color you are, but out of everything one can find attractive about black men, THOSE are the things they chose to fabricate and highlight? Really? It’s ridiculous.
Stereotypes from Black people
These are the worst. As a child my uncles used to tease me. When I didn’t hear something and needed it repeated, I didnt say “Huh?”. My mom would thump my forehead for that. It was “excuse me?” or “sir?” They’d mock me. And encouraged me to use more dumbed-down and slang-like responses. I retained all these things and used them when necessary.
My peers, who see it necessary to be everything society tells them to, love to boast about how we run faster, fuck better, dress better, love basketball… I just don’t understand.
I’m part of a small group of black men who simply don’t belong in the brand.
In media, it’s an uncanny tool for humor. Again, I mention it, because it’s on many sides. But they love to key in on what is black and what isn’t. And people love to call out any non-black person for ‘trying to be black’. There are certain devices in play that I believe “the man” [woooooooooooooooooh be scared] has set in place to try and profit from things that probably could be seen as “a black thing”. However, I don’t think anyone should make any black [or any color] person feel they aren’t who they are because of a few character traits missing or present. Some black people speak proper English and dress like adults and grow to be positive role models. Some don’t. Some white people listen to rap music loudly over 15″ subwoofers in cars sitting on axle-bending rims. Some don’t.
And even if all this bullshit WAS “a black thing”… [like ‘twerking’] does that necessarily make it good or something to be proud of? Can we make some new black stuff? Like… can we make, taking care of your kids a good black trait? Can we make graduating from school a black trait? Can we get “World Star HipHop” off the internet? Can we stop appearing on Judge Judy, Judge Mathis, Jerry Springer and Maury Povich, making asses of ourselves? Let’s make holding down a job and NOT bragging about it a regular thing for black people! Helping other black folks out… that’d be a nice new Black Thing.
So anyway… there’s my rant. I know I’m right about it. If you don’t agree, fuck ya’ll niggas.
Scream at me