I remember back when I was married, living in the Dallas area, I got up on a Fathers Day morning. Back then (when I was obviously a much better father than I am now) my ex wife would assist the kids with their plans for me on Fathers Day. Whether it be breakfast, or presents, dinners or my personal favorite self-drawn pictures and cards. This particular year was no different. After the morning was over and I was finished fighting back my tears and excessive hugs I was perusing Facebook (The perfect thing to do to stay in a good mood lol). I saw that on my ex wifes page someone had greeted her with “Happy Fathers Day”. I’m a sensitive person now, I was more sensitive then. I’m sensitive to stupidity, disrespect and misinformation. So for someone to think that my wife needed to be told Happy Fathers Day, no matter how insipid that notion is in the first place, bothered me quite a bit.
I brought it to my ex wifes attention and she thought it was funny and mostly shrugged off the issue. I took it as a major personal affront. I’m wondering what people were being told, or what they were seeing in order to make them think she needed that type of consideration.
I looked around our house. Our one income household. I looked at everything we had inside, all four cars outside in the driveway and all the very happy children who knew me quite well inside, and I was literally thinking “What The Fuck”?
But this isn’t about me.
Let’s look at all the women out there who don’t have husbands. All those children out there who their father doesn’t come around. Whether because the mother absconded or because they did. The women who are out there working one, two, maybe even three jobs to keep food on the table, clothes on backs, and lights turning on when switches are flipped. Throwing their kids extravagant birthday parties even though they’re worried bout rent next month. Mothers working overtime so they can get their kids jordans and iPads because all the other kids at school have them. There are some women out there legit doing it on their own. A position no person should ever be in. Male or female. Those kids weren’t created alone (no matter how much medicine and science progress). I commend them for being able to continue on and do it in spite of. Hell, I commend my damn self.
But do we need to tell all those women doing it alone “Happy Fathers Day”? Are they fathers?
I’m a single dad. My ex wife doesn’t help me at all, and of course I don’t help her either. That was our agreement in our divorce decree. I did a lot for her in our divorce. Gave her everything we had. She had the kids, so why not? That’s only fair. But once I was back stateside and available for the kids to live with me, and the kids started to chose to live with me, it wasn’t necessary for me to upkeep her and her new husbands home. I had my own to build up and maintain. My oldest daughter lives with me now, and my youngest daughter is slated to come live with me as well after summer break. That’s her desire, and I’m here to accommodate that.
But am I a mother now? Because there’s an absence of a mother here, does that make me a mom? Am I Father AND mother? Do you need to wish me a “Happy Mothers Day” every year in May? No…. I didn’t turn into a mother just because I’m divorced and caring for children alone. I’m not “playing both roles”. I’m not a fucking “super dad”. I mean… I’m pretty awesome, but its not because their mother isn’t around. I’m just a dad. Doing what a dad is supposed to do. I never popped a kid out of my vagina that I don’t have and I didn’t breastfeed out of the breasts I DO have.. I’m just a guy who is doing his job even though myself and my children found ourselves in this unnatrual and unfortunate situation.
Ladies… Mothers… you’ve had your day. In May, we celebrate the mother. The woman who birthed and cares for a child on into adulthood and afterwards (and the step moms too, until they get their own day). In June… we celebrate the father. The one who skeeted that seed/fertilizer into the woman to create and incubate that baby and be there to do his job til hes no longer needed… and afterwards (step dads too). Its not about single moms. I don’t give a shit how good of a job she’s doing, it’s not her day, she’s not a father. Sit down somewhere and find a man who is being a father to tell that to if there isn’t one in your house. Cut the shit.
And anyone wishing my ex wife a happy fathers day… sorry, but you’re dumb. And supporting a toxic and insipid tradition of making a woman, and her child believe that a woman can be both… and that a man isn’t needed or desired (or even present in her case) just makes me think you’re trying to get my attention because you secretly have a crush on me or something. Doesn’t matter if you like me, or whatever dad you’re doing that to!
And I’m out. Shit, I’m writing this while My Little Pony Season 1, Episode 1 plays on the big screen in front of me while Olivia is at the table eating Lucky charms with almond milk what ya’ll talkin about!?!?!?!?
Scream at me,
P.S. Every year, I go through my phone and tell EVERY mother Happy Mothers Day in May. They appreciate the sentiment by texting me back. And this is EVERY mother. Exes, distant relatives, candidates, one and dones, EVERYONE. k how many of those texts I get back in June. Women, I believe feel they hae a monopoly on parenthood. Thats part of the reason why they try to steal this day from us.