Scared to Fall in Love Again


TBH with everyone, this blog was originally called “F#ck These B!tches”

Just to add some perspective. Enjoy!

With everything going on in the world right now, one would think I’d be blogging about something in the current events. But in my life, there’s nothing more consistently current than my failure of a love life. Yes, it is a broken record, on repeat, on an endless loop it seems and here I am to shed some more light on some things of which I certainly am a subject matter expert.

It’s not too uncommon though is it? When you really think about it, anyone who has had their heart broken gets scared to offer it up again. That’s just a sensible thing to do, yea? If you go to The Philippines and get pick-pocketed in La Fuentes circle during a crowded festival – you do things different the next time around. You either:

A. Don’t go to Festivals ever again

B. Don’t bring your cell phone to festivals

C. Get a chest (anti-theft) bag to go under your shirt for the next festival

D. Don’t visit The Philippines anymore lol?

If you buy a cheap pair of shoes in Korea then bust your ass on the wet sidewalk outside of Cracker Barrel the next week when you return to the states you will:

A. Not buy cheap knock off shoes in an alley in Korea

B. Not wear those shoes when it rains

etc.

I could go on with more experiences from my immediate past but you get the point. When an experience goes wrong, you caution yourself. And… if the experience is bad enough or happens often enough or both… that caution may turn to fear. At least that’s been my experience. That’s what I’ve seen. That’s what I’ve been through.

It would be so simple wouldn’t it? If people like me didn’t exist? Being a kid didn’t really excuse my behavior. Lying to women, cheating and all that. And I suppose maybe the turbulence in my love life since my divorce is a penance of some sort. Because now that I know better, I’m running into women (my age) who behave the way I did as a young man. Not taking women’s hearts and feelings seriously. When looking back I guess I deserve it. If I’m to get my heart broken for every woman I’ve lied to or cheated on I guess I’ve got a rough road ahead lol.

As I go through these situations every year, I understand what the things I was doing back then could’ve done to those women. They’re most likely all over it, and forgotten about me… but at some point, they were upset and hurt about something I’d consciously done. One, some or all of them sat up late crying. Doubting themselves. Feeling hopeless. And after all that, being afraid to put themselves out there in the same fashion again.

Since I’ve been habitually in the dating scene I’ve come across all types of women with all types of quirks, and so-called “preferences”. But no one is born not …. liking black guys. lol. No one is born or grows up thinking to themselves “I’m never going to date military guys”. Or I’m not ever going to give an American guy a try.

Things like this, I would bet come from negative experiences whether in first hand or otherwise.

In Kuwait, and other places I’ve worked overseas, Americans, (especially the black ones) had a reputation. No, not about the penis sizes, or what they did in bed. Well… that too. But also it was a known fact that a majority of women felt black men were all the same in that they were aggressive, hos, and all looking to cheat on their wives while overseas. It doesn’t help the situation that this was true in SO MANY occasions lol. But that didn’t mean that all of us were. But that didn’t matter. The women were scared of niggas because of what the niggas were over there doing. So women began cautioning themselves.

Because of what I’ve done, and what others have done people are scared. Not just of certain types of people they could possibly be interested in but of love in general. As if it weren’t just an uncontrollable feeling. Scared of it because what people do in the name of it. Scared because the way it looks, no one hurts us more than someone who claims to love us. Press play:

I agree with it all. Aside from the exit strategy part. Women who claimed they loved me indeed developed exit strategies lol

The optimism and excitement one has when they find a new love… or that love just happens upon them is something that you fear to have after having it blow up in your face once, twice or more. To the point where instead of walking through that fear, you’d just rather avoid the whole thing.

Christine Keller wrote a piece called Dating A Broken Man: 16 Things you Didn’t Know. I realized after reading this that even though the entire article doesn’t pertain to me by a long shot, I do indeed have characteristics of a broken man. I mean… I don’t like the word broken, but damaged indeed. To know that I fall into characteristics of a list (especially that list) was eye opening. I’m sure I’m not the only one. Well, obviously I’m not.

After experiencing yet another woman who promised me the world and showed me that not only were those promises being broken but I needed to compromise more just to get her back… I definitely am

-Scared to fall in love again.

Scream at me

-Rooks

Just in case you thought I was joking lol

12 thoughts on “Scared to Fall in Love Again

  1. Lia Rooks says:

    I read that piece by Christine Keller. I relate to some things on that list. Am I “broken”? There’s a part of me that think it’s a descriptive word for the extreme version of what I’m experiencing… and another part that thinks that I have a pattern of minimizing the severity of any/all trauma and subsequent character traits related to them.

    You’ve got me thinking, Unc. Recently, through experience and recorded observation, I’ve determined I have an “avoidant” attachment style. Distance is my super power and I wield it to protect myself from perceived threats of icky feelings and uncomfortable thoughts. Reading this post was an act of protest.

    Thank you for sharing this part of yourself from this particular vantage point.

    Like

  2. Mary says:

    I can definitely relate, Its not easy to try love again after being hurt, broken, damaged, or fearful. It takes alot for someone that has been hurt to trust again, especially if you gave that opportunity to someone and the second you gave your love they threw it away. Many women are not just scared but cautious with all that is going on. It’s hard to know if a man or woman is really being truthful and are they really all.in. Today, many play games and lack the understanding and actions of love means and feels like. It’s all in the doing and we would rather DO as many people as we can then DO the work with that one person who can love us past our insecurities, hurt, and who can heal that brokenness and repair that damage by making you and bring back the strong man or woman you once were.
    Great blog as always Rookie!! 😁👍🤩

    Like

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      ugh, I didn’t think it was possible but I hurt even more after reading this comment lol, but I feel you! Lord knows… I swear I just don’t get it. Never have I VETTED WOMEN the way I do now and they still end up slipping through the cracks! I’m just gonna get a one bedroom, a pocket-pussy and call it a day.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  3. Farrah says:

    I madly, truly, deeply loved you. 😍 As always and since I told you all those years ago in the parking lot across the street from Yupp’s when you were engaged to that one yahoo, she’s out there. You just have to be PATIENT. And, give her some slack, she’ll never be me 😉 wishing you all the best aaf , Rooks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      I know you did. LoL@engaged to that yahoo! You’re not funny often, but when you’re funny you’re REALLY funny lol! Thanks, I’ll see about that slack.

      Take care. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  4. Diana Jean says:

    We had a talk about the stereotype against black men and how Asian women look at black men in general. I, myself had those negative racial stereotypes. Blame it to media potrayals. Until I had my first black bf then I realized those things were not true. I was actually treated like a Queen. But that time I was very young and I was in College. Not ready for that kind of love. Fast forward, because of that immaturity and heartbreaks. Love became blurry. I feel you. I’m scared to fall in love again. To be hurt. But how can I fear something that I really didn’t give all of myself. That I was focus on getting what I wanted out of the relationship and not really looking at it as it’s partnership. Maybe because I was hurt in so many ways in the past that’s why I’m scared to gjve everything that I have, be vulnerable and fall in love again. In the end, all we want is to have that person that no matter what will stick through thick and thin. The one who will risk everything and love us no matter what. I love you. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      Yea, those hand-me-down stereotypes and feelings towards any certain group of people are hard to shake. Glad you were able to experience for yourself that anyone…. ANYONE can be good for you if they chose to, no matter what their skin color is, no matter their profession etc.
      Mahal din kita!
      Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  5. coastalmom says:

    I definitely can relate. But there iS someone out there! I told my daughter to make a list. She didn’t stray from it. She has been married for 5 years and has a solid marriage. Why not make a wish list? & seriously don’t stray from it! It will make you notice the characteristics you are looking for. & then… Believe that you deserve every lady wish
    on that list. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      Here’s one thing I’m not happy about someone being able to relate to.
      But im glad you were able to give such good advice. Starting with a list unwavering standards is a positive way to tackle anything.
      Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

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