Didn’t See That Coming…
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In a few days I’ll be disturbing the peace in my neighborhood with some fireworks as usual. But I don’t think I’ll have the same thoughts in my mind that I usually do. Ringing in the new year with some noise and care-free fun is the norm. I’ll just be celebrating that this thing is over. Although my life hasn’t been completely ruined by the current nationwide and worldwide events, it’s been greatly affected and has left me scratching my head a time or two. Like… why do I talk to some of the people I talk to? Why do I use energy on things and situations that aren’t worth my time? Why am I still so chubby? I’ve gotten worked up over some dumb shit this year! And I’m just hoping -even though I know January 1st 2021 is just another day- if we’re blessed enough to see it; that it will take me/us down some different paths. I just know, I didn’t see any of this coming.
Nothing new this year folks, (as far as the blog format goes): Travel/Work, Food , People, and Writing, followed by an aimless rant which most like to act like they don’t read, but unfortunately for them, I have the stats… I know you’re reading! LoL. And even though I would much rather everyone who comes leave a comment or SOMETHING, I’m overall just glad you came. So, here goes!
Still in Mexico…
If you read my 2019 year-end blog you’ll know I ended my year in Mexico. It’s only right that’s where my 2020 began. Two days into the new year I was on my way back home, but before I left, I found myself snapping some shots of myself and the scenery of beautiful Queretaro from a vantage point I was warned to stay away from. Just… taking it all in.
It was a great trip. There aren’t too many international locations I want to revisit, but our neighbor to the south is definitely a place I’ll find myself again, GOD willing. GOD and… The Government. Who was single-handedly responsible for me not visiting Japan and Brasil like I planned on this year. Thanks to this… absolutely absurd bullshit with COVID-19. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the virus is fake, nor do I try and marginalize the many victims of it, but let’s face it… death is a part of life. And whether it be heart disease, cancer, crime, AIDS, car accidents/drunk driving, suicide, second-hand smoke, Influenza etc. we live, and we die. And we usually do it to ourselves… and others. But we don’t shut down the entire fucking world to keep these things at bay. I think I’ve beaten my standpoint on this matter to death in my blogs: SARS-Covid-2, A Novel Idea and Death and Taxes.
And so I go home. To sit around, bother my parents, spend time with my kids, eat, play GTA online and wait for my next dare-to-be-great situation. It was nice to be home.
I did happen to nearly kill myself this year on the beautiful bike. Funny thing is, just like the last two falls of my 11 years of riding, I wasn’t really doing anything crazy. I was riding UNDER the speed limit and making a gradual ninety degree right turn. But it rained the day before. Like… it rained a lot lol. and in this particular area it wasn’t dry yet. So, long story short, Robert, meet Pavement. The roughest grit sandpaper on earth. I talked about this in Fragile! Handle With Care: 2 Part II’s. So I won’t beat it to death right now.
It was a nice couple of months, but it was time to get to work. The same company that sent me out to Canada in 2019 contacted me about an inspection position in Mobile, Al. Not a destination I was too eager about to be honest, but that’s just because I’ve never been to this facility before. Hands down the best inspection position I’ve ever had. One of the few places that set you up with everything you needed the day you got there. Great facility and expansion was underway. Always a good sign. But, this Plandemic showed up two months into the contract and things had to change. They tried everything they could to keep from shutting down production and closing their doors. We worked 3 weeks into the Scamdemic with a split shift which allowed for social distancing and left me with a three-day work week. PERFECT. I flew home every week, and was home more than I was away. Flights were pretty empty, airports too and it was pretty frikkin’ awesome. I have to say, while all you people were quarantining, the world was pretty fantastic.
After being not-so-great all year in Alabama and San Antonio (working a project I literally can’t tell anyone about) I went out to South Korea. After going through some things in my life which led me to focus a little more on myself instead of ANYONE else, I took an opportunity someplace everyone said I couldn’t go. Outside of America! LoL.
With that bragging right came its challenges. Or should I say consequences? Either way, your boy had some procedures to go through just to gain entrance to the country. Let me say one thing, countries (at least The USA and South Korea) are not at all on the same page with the COVID-19 travelling procedures. The U.S. Army, D.O.D., American Airlines/Korean Airlines and the government from The Republic of Korea all have different stories on how it all should go.
A bunch of useless paperwork, and some nonsensical quarantine procedures-which involved us intermingling with people at the airport, under the guise of being quarantined- a certain section at the airport, a bus ride with a local driver who smoked, but DID wear his mask… over his mouth at least, and a 15 day quarantine which began and ended with a COVID-19 brain check as I like to call it. As you can see in the video above that I made for the Facebook quarantine group from the base I was stationed at. Fun times.
In the blog There’s Gotta Be A Better Way, I talk about my role there. It was pretty neat and all but… ultimately, I think I could’ve passed. If you offer me a job and tell me to run the show I don’t work too well with someone who is literally 5,000 miles away telling me exactly what to do, in exactly which way, and at exactly what time; all while complaining about shit that’s not under my control, ALSO while not fulfilling their role in getting me and my team the things we need to get this high-profile job done! I don’t care how much they’re paying, they’re either going to hear me roar or they’re going to have to be quiet… I mean, I could just leave. Life is too short to have a job that makes you want to scream every day. I’ve become extremely involved and concerned with my inner peace. That’s why while I was over there I was more interested in enjoying myself than working… or at least being stressed about work.
I once again didn’t do all the things I wanted to do while I was there. If you haven’t guessed by now, I’ve been to Korea before. I was married the last time and even though I was the type of husband I was, I didn’t do any extra-curricular activities. I didn’t really do much of anything actually. I was trying to be a good guy at the time. Idiot.
So, this time around, I was going to go to Jeju, I was going to Itaewon (at my daughters suggestion) I was going to ACTUALLY DO Seoul and eat tons of awesome Korean food while doing it all!. None of it went as planned. Well the food still happened. and I sorta did Seoul, but definitely not the way I planned it. DOING Seoul for me was to include a high-end Marriot chain hotel, some shopping, site-seeing, fine-dining, maybe some karaoke and definitely capping it off with the absolute thickest Korean girl I could find. By that plan and definition, Seoul did NOT get DONE.
I did however hit up Seoul. Went to Itaewon, did two of the must-do things for Korea. And of course, I ate some awesome food.
I know I said something about being chubby earlier. One goal I haven’t been able to reach yet within the last two years is getting back in shape. When I got to Korea, and had to quarantine for 15 days I was able to realize some things about myself. I have been depressed for some time. And, my destructive behavior whilst in this condition was/is my happy place. Stuffing my face. Rather than bog you down with the details of my depression, I’ll instead show you pictures of how I subconsciously tried to deal with it! 🙂
I’m not an expert on depression (or anything for that matter) but I have found out it is a tough cookie. 😉 Especially when you’re dealing with it by utilizing something that’s already a vice of yours. I’m hoping to kick it soon, so I can look at myself in the mirror again without wanting to throw up my latest cracker barrel meal lol.
Even though my food section this year is a bit muddied by a negative connotation due to the depression, I hope that my relationship with food won’t actually be an unhealthy one moving forward. As I’ve said before, it’s the only constant in my life. Other than my mom anyway. And what mother wants their nearly 40 year old son crying to them because he’s a little sad? 😦
But seriously, my unchanging fluffy state is mostly due to the fact that I honestly haven’t been working out consistently… while I incessantly stuff my face. I was actually on a weight loss streak between the end of February all the way up to mid-June (the motorcycle wreck). I couldn’t walk right for 5 weeks. After the five weeks were over, I jumped back in the gym immediately then hurt my back my second day back in the gym. Since then I’ve obviously gained back everything I lost and gained more. But ANYWAY. I love food. That is and always has been the point of this short section. My girl still like me, that’s all that matters lol.
This whole section is supposed to be about the people I’ve been caught in selfies with over the year. Sometimes I deviate for special circumstances. Unfortunately, this year has one of those circumstances. Last year my big brother Barry passed away and I wrote about him. I’ve gotten to the point I’m comfortable bringing him up around other family members. I was always ready, willing and able to talk about him. But I know others would fall into a certain amount of sadness when he was brought up. Not saying it doesn’t happen now, because forever and always I’m sure thoughts and feelings will arise; but nothing to the point of getting choked up and not being able to continue a conversation. Or… maybe it will. Grief is a fickle thing. It’s not like one ever really stops grieving a loss. One just learns how to cope with the loss. And sometimes, people don’t.
I talked about Devon in Fragile! Handle With Care. My regrets about not interacting with him more. And it of course is impossible for me to have a picture with him this year, he lived in Arizona. And… Arizona was not,
nor has it been on the “To-Do List” for quite some time. (Correction: It was New Mexico. ALSO not on the to-do list) But, as I try my very best to make sure – unlike all other things in my life- someone’s death is not about me. I absolutely hate it when people I know experience losses in their lives and all they can do is talk about themselves. How hurt they are. How shocked they are. How they can’t deal etc. My standpoint is I need to be there for everyone else who is hurting. If everyone took that standpoint the grieving process would be so much better. But instead, you got some people who just completely fall out of their element. Some who can’t function, shutdown and just become useless etc. Like… Why? Devon had a momma. My only blood sister. My big sister. She LOST HER SON! I can’t even begin to understand what that can feel like. It’s my duty to make sure I’m there for HER. Next, his brother my nephew. These are the two experiencing the greatest losses. Then my parents, etc. And no, I’m not saying it’s a contest, but lets get real… there’s no possible way I
need the same amount of attention as the boys mother and nephew. I can see Devon’s picture every day (I do, actually, because it’s on display in my walk-in. Kinda like a shrine to him and my brother.) It’s not like I don’t have feelings when I think about or see Devon. Matter of fact, whenever it hits me hard, I stop for a second and say “Dammit, Devon.” I loved that boy. As far as I’m concerned, I was his first dad. His nickname for me since about 2 years old was “Dodie”. Seems pretty damn close to “Daddy” to me! I took him everywhere with me. And when his mother went to work, it was I who was with him, in exchange for Raspberry Snapple. But honestly, I would’ve done it for free. I’m pretty sure I actually didn’t have a choice.
I was just talking to my oldest son, Reilend about Devon this morning. While he sat his boney ass on my counter, I recollected how smart Devon was. A deep-thinking mind actually. A caring kid who grew to have some pretty nonsensical notions about decency and… race relations lol. But, that’s how life is. We watch someone grow into who they’re going to be. This kid who spent most of his early childhood with me grew into an extremely large man, who thought black people couldn’t be racist, was probably just as bad with money as I am, and loved Beyonce more than he loved his own family at times. lol. We love our family, no matter how they turn out. Devon didn’t get a chance to live long enough to grow past his phases, and find his true path in life in my opinion. And that’s the biggest tragedy. But while he was here, he made his friends and family laugh. Intrigued us all with his thought-processes and writing. And tickled me half to death with his notions of him being a good singer and or dancer. Til this day I can’t tell whether my big little nephew was delusional or really good at making jokes. But I love him, and I miss him. I know everyone who knew him did too.
The constant in my life. She’s had a rough couple of years. But she’s always there doing what she does. I don’t think anyone realizes how awesome it is to have someone like my mom around. Unchanging, someone from whom you know what to expect. There’s so much value in that.
I’ve spent most of the year going over to her house to bother her about wearing masks and gloves due to The Rona. Terrorizing and or tormenting my mother is something that brings me (and her) extreme joy. Even though she won’t admit it. Love you, Mommy
I’m sure, if this isn’t your first time reading my YEB you’ve read about my sister LeeLee. And how -since I’m obviously just really slow- I didn’t know she wasn’t really related to me until a few years ago. Hasn’t changed anything other than make me look really stupid. I love my sister, and it just so happens, I’m her favorite person in our family! So it really works out great. One thing above everything I’ve said about her previously that I love about her is her ability to ensure she is active in our family. Most likely, if you see her at a family function it’s because she flew there. I honestly don’t know who else does that. Out of all the hundreds of people my parents have either parented, taken care of or otherwise supported (not saying they supported LeeLee just making a point) she seems to be the only one who consistently makes it her business to get her ass out here and be present. Reunions, holidays, funerals, sometimes just because. That’s… just amazing. And I’d expect nothing less from her. Love you sis! I haven’t forgotten about your stuff btw.
Amelyah and Tenley:
Their mother and I used to be best friends. Well, at least I thought we were. Long story short, she went and got herself into a situation and now I can’t be friends with her OR the girls anymore. Before that happened, these little girls were a huge part of my life. I saw them more than I saw my own kids and they often called me “Daddy” just because… theirs wasn’t around, and that’s how they felt about me. That’s how I treated them.
I miss them a lot. And I think it’s sad we got to be the way were then had to abruptly stop being friends because of something stupid… because of nothing actually. As always, I’m always here for them. But just like others in the past, I’m certain I just won’t be able to see them anymore. No fault of my own. But still another loss I’m having to deal with. I really do miss them a lot… being without them in my life definitely wasn’t something I saw coming.
Once again, in Fragile! Handle With Care (obviously an in-depth blog lol) I talked about my kiddos. So, you know after some forced friction, I haven’t seen my kids as much as usual. One of them, I haven’t seen SINCE then! Jaidyn, my middle child has basically refused to see me or to speak to me. I guess she thinks it’s… a thing to just fucking ignore her dad. Instead of pulling out divorce decrees, and custody agreements, I’m letting her make it. Her mother for certain isn’t earnestly encouraging her to see me, and she, a smart and also wise-for-her-age 14 year old is also choosing on her own to behave this way. As I explained to her at Devons funeral, this isn’t a good idea. It is something she’ll regret one day… but honestly, she’ll need me before I need her. It’s really shitty I have to say something like that about my own child, but I’d go insane with rage if I didn’t dismiss it. My own child… being taught its okay to ignore me, rather than to work out any issues she thinks she has with me. There’s only one place that type of guidance can come from. My guess would be the same mother who ignored her own daughter the year before, for months. But hey… I’m not here to talk about her. And since this is the last entry in this part of the blog, I’m not filling this portion of my blog with people I don’t fuck with anymore. So, Jaidyn, Popsicles, whenever you’re ready to deal with whatever your issue is with me like a daughter should with her dad, I’m always here. Your place is still here. Your bed, your clarinet, the one you never really appreciated me getting for you in the first place. LoL Your granny-style bicycle. It’s time for a new one by the way. But what will never be here is a Dad who is going to allow you to instruct how to be a dad. I won’t apologize for it. Ever. If I feel you need to comb your hair better/more often/period, then you need to comb your damn hair. I tell all you kids the same thing. I’m tired of seeing you guys looking like hobos every time I see you. And just because no one over there gives a shit doesn’t mean I don’t. Just like you never got to choose who you parents are, you don’t get to choose how I raise you. And I’ll never apologize or back down for/from teaching you guys what’s right and wrong. So if staying away from me comforts you with your infinite knowledge on how your life should be lived, then so be it. But as I said, you’ll regret is someday. And you know me, I’m not too good for “I told you so” ;). But I love you, and wish you all the best! I miss you dearly, and things aren’t the same without you.
The rest of us have had a semi-standard year! Even though I’m such a terrible father, I managed to get my kids and take them to do some fun stuff, spend some time and teach them things like I’m supposed to. They all know my (their) house is open to them at ANY time, and they’re free to come live with me whenever they want. Even though one or more of them will at times let it slip that they’re discouraged to, and sometimes told flat out that they CAN’T come live with me. And this is pretty funny, considering I’m quite certain my ex-wife is technically homeless.
I can’t make this shit up. Just weeks after this, four out of five of my kids were ignoring me lol. I love my babies more than anything, and they get along pretty well with my fiancés kids so far. But I never saw any of this coming. Seriously. It’s a trip.
Worlds absolute WORST father. I know…
Anyway, moving along.
Well, I did it! I’ve posted twelve blogs this year! This is of course number twelve. Ever since my attempt at getting 100,000 views in one year failed… by 895 views. Like seriously, in 2016 two more days and I would’ve gotten 100,000. Getting the 99,105 was a feat in itself, it just sucked getting that close. Well, that was 2016. The year where I posted two blogs a month. Also a year where I was doing SO much more. I was promoting The Guidon Bearer: A Basic Training Story, writing Invasion of the Most Sacred, making dates for book signings etc. So naturally I had more eyes on my shit. But it was still a lot of work writing blogs the way I write blogs twice a month! Plus being the promiscuous socialite I was in The UAE that year? I deserve a pat on the back and a shot of penicillin for all that work I was putting in!
This year however, I was a lot less active. In writing and otherwise. But since 2016 I have aspired to blog monthly. This was the first year I did so successfully. And I’ll have just over a whopping 20,000 views to show for it. But to me it’s still amazing. 20,405 original views from 16,186 different IP addresses… From over 155 countries! Yes, mostly from America, but can you say people from over 155 countries has experienced you work before? Like something you did personally? If you can, I hope you feel as geeked up about it as I do lol! I want to thank everyone who has checked out my books or blogs this year. Speaking of checked out…
My latest two novels, FILIPINA and Invasion of the Most Sacred are now in the library systems of Newport News Virginia and Air Force Base Libraries in the Pacific, namely Osan AFB. So, honestly I could be satisfied with never selling another book for the rest of my life knowing this. My books are in libraries all over the world!
I’ve done a couple of virtual speaking events over zoom… since that’s how things are done these days. It’s fantastic for networking and keeps me active in the writing/publishing world. Hop on over to 1st Lady Erika Simmons’ page to see these videos and more from people far educated and accomplished than myself. There really are some brilliant people out there among us just… working their asses off to get their knowledge out into the universe to simply help people.
My book writing however has not faired so well. CLOSURE, the next novel I planned on writing and publishing hasn’t progressed much at all. All I can say is, please pray for me. I’m a writer, and I should be writing. I aspire to publish over 10 novels before I die and… I’m just not progressing the way I should be. Any help or suggestions would be much appreciated. I’m not even joking.
If you’ve been paying attention to this blog and anything I’ve posted this year, you’re aware I’m with someone. Her and I aren’t exactly public. Could be because she’s not too attractive. Or maybe a little camera shy. Possibly much more over weight than I am. Perhaps we are just getting off social media, and decided we would just be us for a while. The other reason could be I just wanna see if we make it to blog 2021 still together. Because it’s so embarrassing and annoying that the girl I was about to marry in last years blog is not the girl I’m talking about right now. No, we broke up 2 days after I posted that blog and said all that nice stuff about her. Not only do I hope to make it to December 2021, but I do moreover hope that I’m here, with her. She’s really improving my life and that’s all I really want.
This year has been really stupid. From the uprising in America about two very OLD problems (racism/pedophilia) all the way to The COVID-19 scam. A whole bunch of fear mongering over a real engineered disease; pitting people against people. We have been forced to look at other people as things to be afraid of and stay away from.. as if humanity needed another reason to be more divided. We literally look at other people as… weapons, that can hurt us. With their… PARTICLES! LoL. Their spittle… their droplets lol. Everyone is walking around with a super-deadly disease, assumed to be asymptomatic… a word I’ve heard WAY too many times this year by people who know absolutely dick about communicable diseases. I was at work the other day, and this security guard (yes… a loud, unarmed over-middle aged woman who mans a body-screening machine all day) was talking down to someone who didn’t have their mask covering their nose completely; barking about how COVID-19 is airborne… which it’s not. But this is what this year has been filled of: speculation and doubt being advertised like certainty and proven science. Give people space, and wash your hands? Really? Cover your sneezes and coughs! Clean surfaces often? Sounds like how I’ve been living my life all along, bro. Yet I had to cancel my trips to Japan and South America this year because the rest of the world somehow doesn’t? And the world had to be shut down because of it? I mean… the world, minus Wal-mart and a few other places. If you, the reader were to look at all the rules, mandates and other precautions in restrictions made due to The Rona, you’d be like… wow, this really is bullshit. But hey, I’m just a high school graduate who talks too much. Let’s all listen to the Doctor no one has ever heard of before March 2020 and his dead face and talks of the second and third waves. Let’s just all stop living, so we can stay alive.
Meanwhile, I’ve literally taken 16 flights this year, including 2 international, not quarantined a single day (voluntarily) eat out daily and may or may not wear this mask properly, and not give a shit whether anyone else around does and I’m still just fine. I did however stop licking door handles… had to give that up.
I got my kids this year for Christmas and I couldn’t be happier… except if my daughter Jaidyn were here. Other than that, I’m happy as heck, although I wish I could keep my mind off all those out there with nowhere to go for the holidays. Soldiers who are deployed (yea… soldiers are still deployed), homeless people, and those sick in the hospital or rehab centers. I can’t experience a joyous occasion like this, without remembering them. Every time I go out, if I can I want to help someone if possible, you should too. We’re all in this together.
If someone were to ask me what my new years resolution was I don’t think I’d be able to produce one. I’m constantly at least THINKING about getting and staying in shape lol. I have two memberships to two separate gyms. I walk to certain destinations whenever I can. I park VERY far from the door wherever I’m going if I drive. And I honestly do try to eat clean. My issue with this is really my daily routine. I don’t frikkin have one lol. So that’ll be a good one. Also, I’m always striving to be a better father. I know I’m not perfect of course, like all the rest of the parents out there but I try. But I honestly just want this relationship to work out I’m SO tired of you hos. I really am. I’m pretty sure if I were to contact any of my exes they’re probably all booed up and happy. And it leaves me wondering why they couldn’t act right over here lol. Yes, yes… I know It was me. It was my fault they lied and cheated and all that. Just some overdue karma I guess. I’m trying my very best not be so controlling, analytical and petty like I normally am. So… we’ll see. If you see me pop up on social media some time next fall with a pretty little #$%#$% #$#^^% #$$& then you’ll know GOD has blessed me with the opportunity to show this woman I’m everything she needs and wants and I can finally stay off the dating sites, out of the dating scene entirely and I’m only spending all my money on ONE woman instead of 20! Goals!
I literally have nothing else to say to you people. My phone rings like… never. My girl calls me, of course. Mostly to remind me not to eat too much, and to tell me I don’t have enough furniture in my house. Mary, she’s still the bestie, but I barely see her :(. Oh! My family does a weekly prayer meeting over zoom. I think… that is one positive thing that has come from The Rona. Shout out to my cousin Angie for putting that together. My family and I thoroughly enjoy gathering in front of the camera, hearing a nice prayer then going through the video screens making fun of one another. I’m not even being sarcastic right now. Take care everyone!
Scream at me,