“We Don’t Need Men”


 

Being someone who is highly invested in whether today’s women see value in men, I believe myself and others who share the Y-Chromosome have something to worry about. It’s obvious that many heterosexual women still like men. It’s clear that many heterosexual woman still desire men. [This is the last time I’m going to mention the word ‘heterosexual’ in this blog, you know who I’m talking about] But I’m not sure that many of them feel that they need us anymore.

Let me be clear.  No adult really needs anyone else per say.  Men can survive alone just fine all the way until they die and so can women. Both men and women can raise children alone successfully [“raise successfully” (or maintaining) meaning they can clothe, shelter, feed and love a child into adulthood] .  We can even please ourselves sexually.  And as of late, in quite an outstanding and shameless fashion [because homosexuality is nothing new at all] we can both just turn to the same sex for… well, sex, partnership, marriage etc.confused-2681507_1920

With so many options, it seems as though the original and natural pairing of men and women to produce life and stay together til death is becoming a relic.  And our modern-day society is supporting it.

Go humanity!

We see it all the time. Or… maybe you don’t. I do. I saw an app recently for single mother apartment sharing.  An app for… well, that’s pretty self-explanatory. We have scholarships for single moms. Jobs just for single mothers. And of course all the programs put in place for single parents, but really are just looked at as programs for single mothers because there are so few of us single dads actually doing single dad shit.  On top of that, I feel [I know it is a deal for me] we are usually too prideful to take advantage of crap like that.  Not saying some people don’t need it, because the fact is NO ONE should have to raise a child alone.  No one can make one alone [aside from the scientific abominations we have in place now] so no one should have to do it alone. What sparked this blog was a conversation I had with one of the many CRAZY nutbags here in Toronto. brittany-davis3

She was so very prideful of being a single mom who used a donor instead of… you know, an actual man? LoL. I really do find it fucked up.  Just… circumvent the ENTIRE process, to take an easy shortcut to parenthood.  There was no sterilization issue with her husband or boyfriend or anything… she said “There just wasn’t anyone in my life who I wanted as my child’s father.” On one hand, I get what she’s saying, and at the same time I’m like… how is this okay?
For those who believe in GOD she’s not only giving men the finger, but GOD too! LoL.  And for those who don’t believe in GOD, she’s just giving us men the finger.  Just gonna cut the man out of the entire deal.  I wanna be a mom.  That’s it.  But now she’s on Tinder.  She has nothing but her kid, so she dotes over him like he’s a new toy and expects for a man to what… come second to your baby obsession because you couldn’t be patient? Because you wanted what you wanted when you wanted it?  And now it’s not enough… :/
    pretty-girl-2044884_1920I honestly think the puppy/dog/cat thing is a replacement for men as well.  Because I have dated a number of women who have dogs and don’t do ANY… DOG shit with them at all.  They’re just basically living house ornaments who get cuddled every once in a while and posed with for pictures.  I mean… do people even understand the canine species?  At what point did they turn from an actual non-domestic animal who could survive in its natural habitat to these instruments of temporary affection who you treat like newborn babies, yet leave in the house all fucking day and or night? You NEVER take them for walks, you don’t train them to do anything but not shit on your couch, and don’t even like it when they bark! But pay attention… women will even tell men that their dogs come first. (I haven’t heard this, but I’ve seen it) and will expect a man to take a back seat to an animal they halfway care for who will be dead in less than 7 years anyway.  FYF.
I could go on, but I don’t want you, the reader to just think I’m hating.  Pets are great.  As long as they aren’t being used as a place holder for other shit you don’t have or are too lazy to go out and get.  Like a partner.  And babies are great too… but when did we get to the point that we want to have them without a relationship?  Children are the product of a loving relationship.  Preferably a marriage.  It’s like trying to get a paycheck without going to complejo-edipo-rey-madre-hijo-besowork for it! Get the fruits, without the labor. You know because regardless of what society is trying to jam down peoples throats, children should be raised by a good mother AND a good father. Not just one or the other or neither.
But WHY would a woman even do this?  Why would a woman cut the man out of a process he’s supposed to be in?  Why do women buy dogs and cuddle with them instead of doing that with a man?  Why do women feel they need multiple men in their life? Why do women treat their sons like they’re the man of the house?  Call them “my king” and have them feeling much older and responsible than they actually are or should be?  Why do women feel like they don’t need men?
Well, *Long Sigh* that would be our fault.  We, men… have walked out on our women and out of families, voluntarily. absent-father-smWe men have made it so women expect it!  We men have left women no choice but to buy dogs and other things to replace us because we don’t stick around long enough for them to depend on!  They feel the need to sometimes have more than one man around because those who truly want one, and don’t want to turn to dogs, and their sons to find and keep that connection that keeping one around JUST for them is next to impossible so they just start a roster! In other words:

This is our fault.

If it were the norm for men to marry a woman, have a child or children with her and stay there with her forever… very few women to none, would go the route Niyla, The Donor User did. They wouldn’t use dogs, and their sons to fill that hole like Tiffany.  And they wouldn’t fill their lives with several men at a time, like Susie, and pretty much every other woman I’ve met since I’ve been an adult! Somewhere along the way, we have let women down… globally.  And since they’re smart, they started looking for alternatives.
There was a time when men thought having a
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I didn’t need to use google to find a picture for this. I’ve had it! I tried to do things right. Now not only was a family ripped apart, but the mother has tried at times to unjustly demonize and erase me from their lives, and try to replace me with an unfit figure. But… one of us did happen to be raised by a single mother. One of us did admit to having NO idea how to be a wife. I mean, how would she? And as we all know, I didn’t make it any better.

job, a wife, kids and some land/a home was the dream.  That’s when you’ve made it. There was a time when women felt as long as they went to school, found a good man to marry [who has or wants all the aforementioned] and provided a family and took care of that family WITH that man; that she was successful.  That she had achieved what life was about. I’m not here to say whether that was right or wrong.  And I know the words “supposed to be” are pretty much the most frowned-upon words in our society now but… was it such a bad format?  I personally feel we [men] have lost our way and the natural order of things was for us to lead, so now women have lost their way as well.  They’re trying to do things without us, trying to convince themselves that we aren’t needed, they’re teaching children we aren’t as well; they’re trying to BE US.

All in all, I believe women just got tired of waiting for men to be men. And now we have this.

On one hand, women needed to establish themselves as something more than just things that men need whenever they feel like it. On the other hand there’s a very big line between that and not needing men at all. I honestly could’ve just as easily named this blog “Men aren’t Men Anymore”. Because that’s truthfully what I feel the problem is. And yes, whether you want to admit it or not, there is a problem.

I know the queen was focusing on black men and women relationships, but… it applies.
Scream at me,
-Rooks

9 thoughts on ““We Don’t Need Men”

  1. Shana says:

    As a woman who’s only experience with men since birth has been nothing but abusive alcoholics who lie and take advantage of me, I understand why being alone is a better option sometimes because men have failed me everytime.

    When I thought I found the one who saved me from the abusive men in my life, and I literally gave him everything I could give… put myself LAST to make sure he and our children were first… when I least expected it I was smacked in the face with the discovery of an affair during one of my most vulnerable times.

    I want a complete family. I fight for it everyday. I lose my peace and I lose my self respect doing so, and maybe I am doing more harm than good by staying….

    Men HAVE failed me, yet I still feel I need a man. Not for money, not because I am scared to be lonely, and not because I think I don’t deserve better. Those are factors, sure.. but it’s much deeper than that.

    Idk how to explain it and by now I feel like I am rambling, but I guess I’m a hopeless romantic… or just stupid.

    I do feel women need men and men need women. Definitely kids need both parents. There needs to be a lot of healing though… cuz most relationships are toxic and our kids are watching us and repeating these cycles.

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    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      First, I’m really sorry your encounters with men have been negative. That’s… really unfortunate, and nothing I can say will change that. But I hope some time soon someone will come along to change that pattern.

      And it’s nice to know I’m not the only hopeless romantic left. Thanks for reading and commenting, T.F.

      Like

  2. LaToya says:

    I agree…from the long sigh….I sigh that long sigh every day. I do not want to be a single mom…I did want a successful marriage…he wasn’t ready and I ran out of patience. I too have been let down by men my whole life, raised by a single mom. Never had a fairly tale dream of marriage and happily ever after but when what I thought was love found me I fell into it and let my guard down for the first time…ever. I was wrong though. Just another single mom now…trying not to be a bitter Betty. Staying involved in church, keeping my sons surrounded by strong Black role models and trying to keep my head up.

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    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      That looooong sigh! LoL. I can tell you among other things hate being part of the statistic now and I know how you feel. Let’s just try to make the best of it moving forward, and try not to lose hope that thing we thought we had will actually happen one day. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  3. Lynette Jacobs says:

    Hugs kudos on this blog! My heart goes out to men as they are trying to understand how to be men in today’s society. Men and women are biologically wired differently and designed to compliment one another. Yes, men and women can live without one another but we are designed to need one another, we compliment one another. I loved reading this as it gives a male perspective that lines up to what I have been saying for a really long time. Thank you Robert! Keep up the great work!

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  4. Climmie Rooks says:

    Robert, this is truly a awesome read. To say you have been a part of a problem is a step in the right direction. Now what are you going to do about it? It’s never to late to right a wrong but action speaks louder than words. It takes a REAL man to admit to making a mistake, but it takes a much BIGGER man to do something about it. I can see God working it out through you.

    Love this one keep up the writing and self growth remember:

    Philippians 4:13-17 King James Version (KJV)
    I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

    Like

  5. Melissa says:

    This is the second entry I read. I can easily relate to what you are saying. Not all hope is lost, I guess men and women need to figure out how to fit together again. Mending cracks instead of just throwing it all away as easy as it may seem. We need to start being more careful with one another. Appreciative every step of the way, empathetic and loving. Comfort can be a cheap fix. Pride can be a temporary shield. A struggle to love, a will to be content and cherish being happy, it means we need to work on it. And, I think its worth it.

    Like

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