Divorced, Not Looking


Lord knows I would love to just tell people I’m “single”.  But I’m technically not.  As far as marital status goes:

Single – Never married

Engaged – proposed, agreed on, & waiting to be married [basically glorified bf/gf]

Married – well… married. Legally, paperwork, w/marriage certificate.

Seperated – IN STATES WHERE IT’S PERMITTED legally seperated, (again, paperwork) not living together

Divorced – Once Married, now legally divorced. Again… paperwork [I keep a copy of my divorce decree in my backpack, on a pdf on my phone and tablet… It’s even the background picture on my tablet.]

Widowed – your legal spouse died while you were still legally married.

 

I’ve never liked it when divorced people say “I’m single”, full stop.  I understand, it’s easier than saying “I’m divorced”.  Because honestly, I’ll always at some point be divorced.  Even if I get married again.  DIVORCED is a status you never really climb out of because you’ll always have that EX-WIFE or EX-Husband.  They don’t just get erased from history because you get into a new relationship or marriage. It’s kinda like a repossession… except a divorce doesn’t fall off your credit report after so many years lol.

If tomorrow some lucky gal were to be able to honestly call herself my girlfriend, if we god-forbid some day breakup, It’s weird to go back to saying I’m divorced.  It’s not like I divorced HER.  But my marital status kinda… just stays the same.  Really wish there were another word for it.  Maybe, divorced and not taken lol.

But when you’re divorced and dating, I think we owe it to that new guy or gal to tell them that hey… I’ve been to the puppet show and I’ve seen the strings.  There’s SOMEONE out there whom I’ve pledged my life to and had to take it back.  It’s only fair.

ANYWAY

I’ve never wanted to be one of those divorced assholes who discourage single folks from getting married.  Just because shit didn’t work out for me doesn’t mean it won’t work for downloadothers.  It’s not like I was surprised by my divorce.  So, my thoughts on relationships,  mine or yours haven’t changed.  There’s hope. Truly. I think…

And honestly, what exactly would that say about me? When I see divorced people doing this it just makes me realize they’re still sad about their divorce. Sad they’re alone, and want others to be miserable right along with them.  Not me… I couldn’t be more happy about my dirove other than the fact that my children now live in the worst place possible. And as far as I’m concerned, I’d love to come across a woman whom I’m attracted to, who’s attracted to me, has an income, isn’t a slut and cares more about kids than she does herself. I mean… that really doesn’t sound like too much to ask for, does it lol?  Jesus Christ.

Dating after my divorce has been interesting.  Granted, I had a little practice.  To keep it all real as I always do, I dated more while I was married than I do now. I know, it’s terrible.  Shut-up.  We were “seperated” Haha!  Bullshit.

But now that it’s all real, and women don’t have that adrenalene-rush of taking some woman’s man away [which I’m convinced makes a lot of women hot just thinking about it] dating has become a little odd.

 

First of all, I haven’t been LOOKING for shit!  I have 5 kids that I’m trying like hell to get to a good home (mine), books and blogs to write and promote, bills to pay, parents to start caring for, a body to get right and, oh yea… a job! LoL.  I really don’t have time to be convincing some chick that I’m awesome as hell imagesand a good catch. I really don’t.  But do we really have to be looking anymore to end up in a relationship?  My last relationship happened so abruptly and unexpectedly I couldn’t even believe it.  Someone I would’ve never thought I’d actually meet after knowing of her for so long.

I can’t rememeber the last time I’ve actually gone out, logged on or anything with the intentions of finding someone serious to be with. Not that I don’t think it’s possible, but I honestly just don’t have the patience.

Lately, I’ve even wondered what the point is.  Either it’s someone who is super interested in me, but has absolutely nothing to offer, OR someone I would like to see myself with but they’re too infatuated with their options that they’re not looking to get married. Especially to an old, overly-confident, divorced asshole with five kids. 😉

By the time I’ve told a woman everything there is to know about me I’m sure they’re wishing they had an unswipe option.  Or a way to unapproach me at a dance club lol. Or a way to strangle their friend or relative for hooking us up.

It all has me wondering, have I done too much?  Am I that person who has too much baggage or unrealistic standards?  But with the fact that I’m not necessarily casting a line out there, how do I attract the women I attract?  Because it doesn’t seem to be a certain type.  I’ve been approached by old ones, young ones, middle-aged ones, white ones, black ones, Filipino, Saudi, Eritrean, dating-pool-after-30German, Hispanic, etc, Christian, agnostic, Muslim, tatted, skanky, prudish and single moms, divorced, single, tall, short, skinny and fat. But I’ll be damned if there isn’t something about every single one of them that has me wondering… “Is this it?” THIS i’s what I deserve?!

[ Reference: The Total Package and You Won’t Get 100% ]

And there are those who claim that me having children isn’t a problem, when really it is. I used to think men were the only ones shallow enough to allow that to keep them from dating or being with someone.  Fact is, women want to be the most important person to you.  And don’t want anything coming before them.  With a dad…. an actual dad, that’s just not possible.  But what kind of asshole do you gotta be to want to come before someone’s kids?  Ok… but that’s cool, if you’re that way, DON’T date a dude with kids! Right?  No, apparently women [people, I guess] will say ANYTHING when they want someone.  Regardless of the involvement of kids.  Hell, it’s happened to me twice.  The first one gave all the lip-service about being a stepmom, and the 2nd one actually went as far as putting herself in their lives.  Neither were sure about it.

With these experiences, plus the fact that all this sort of puts a wear on the old thumper (heart)… I’m seriously just contemplating remaining Divorced, Not Looking.

Scream at me

 

Check this out.. I know this girls voice is annoying as fuck, however I went browsing on Youtube for videos with the keywords “dating”, “divorced”, and “kids”.  There are several videos which could be considered as “how-to” and many which are simply warnings.  this video [I couldn’t watch the whole thing, again, her voice] and it’s caption and the comments epitomise why I will probably be filing single on my taxes til I die lol.  Unbelievable.  I mean… I get it, but still… unbelievable.

 

 

p.s. I would love to see some dating-after-divorced horror stories.

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14 thoughts on “Divorced, Not Looking

  1. Marie says:

    Nice one dude someday that girl will come and accept you with all your baggages and together face everything u been through 💪🏻 Stay strong and dont lose hope

    Like

  2. Mary says:

    Well, I can agree with you on this one. Its not easy being divorced then being in a relationship for several years that didn’t work. Ive done the divorced, in a relationship, back to divorced but i say im single cause god knows i should of just stayed that way. Biggest mistake ever and im still paying for it. You are right its hard cause you do have to explain why things didnt work, then you have kids and face it men are can be worse then women when wanting our full attention, I’ve dealt with that a man i dated didnt like my own kids around me when he was there it would call it our time, i needed to focus on him . Which is hard to do. Cause as you know my kids and grandbabies which add more to my baggage come first, i don’t care who you are. Honestly i think that scares men off , ive had that we cool until i mention all these babies in my life lol 😂, then tbey slowly drift away. But yea being divorced, with a relationship that didnt work, with kids, grandkids, is very hard to sell and seems impossible to find someone to accept that all that and you. So it seems im divorced, not looking cause everytime i look i get disappointed to the point im like why bother, just gonna be like the last time. In my own words ” if you talk to me you do , if you dont i dont care” type of attitude. But hopefully i can blessed with that right person some day, lord knows he will have to special lol.. but over all im good how i am. Being divorced. Great blog ( rant) .

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    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      Well, I really don’t understand whats up with dudes you meet. You’re a good chick People just want to take advantage of the good ones I guess.

      Now, I can’t attest to which one is more needy. I’ve never been with a man, and to my knowledge, you’ve never been with a woman. So let’s just say both men and women want o be your number one and gave all your attention.

      But let’s be honest… lol you know yall are worse. For the mos art, men want to be fucked, fed and let alone to watch football with friends. Men usually (from what I hear) usually want their alone time. While women more often want to be up under their dude (I have no problem with this, just sayin)

      Either way it goes, Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  3. Beth says:

    To start off, Great blog (rant)! From this it seems like you’ve been hurt more than you’ve been happy. The fact that a female would be two-faced about ‘being there for the kids’ is down right disgusting. I’m a mom who has kids and is legally separated, and I’d be dammed if someone played that game with me and my kids. It’s not right to be ‘led on’ (or lied to) just so someone can be with you (or to be honest, to get some dick) then when the truth comes out and you have to explain to the child/children why that person isn’t there anymore you’re questioning yourself and blaming yourself for something that you honestly had no control over. You didn’t know that she was playing/lying to you. I’m not even sure that I want to be in a relationship anytime soon. I mean I’m young (24), have 3 kids, hit rock bottom this past year and just now started working again. I don’t have anything to offer but loyalty, love and respect. Take your time! The right girl will come along and you’ll know when she enters your life! Just keep being the awesome person you are ❤ Keep being the great and amazing father you are to your kids. You deserve the best!

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    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      Thank you. Hurt more than I’ve been happy. Damn, that’s something to think about. Yes, you are young, and have plenty of time to worry about getting you where you want to be before fuckign around with any of these knuckleheads lol. Thanks for reading and commenting hun.

      Like

  4. Christine says:

    Nice blog my friend..! Although love is the foundation of a relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. But unfortunately if this won’t work we end up separated or divorced. After all the past relationships you’ve been through, well I agree to that “divorced, not looking” status of yours, keep focus to your kids and your job, don’t look for love, let love find you, you’re a great human being, a loving dad to your kids and an amazing son and an awesome friend (and gwapo pa!), you deserve the best, time will come that you will find a perfect woman that will love you unconditionally. Luv yah!

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  5. Anonymous says:

    Hello. Great blog! Year End Blog was pretty great as well. It’s amusing that you portray yourself as being the innocent victim in all of the situations you’ve found yourself in. One would think that you are the common denominator. You leave out that you put up this façade of being a woman’s best friend in order to garner her resources for as long as you possibly can until she can see through you. You call her things like “baby” and you flirt just enough to make her think there’s a chance or that both of you are in some kind of unconventional relationship. You tell her you love her. You make promises of houses and other things to keep her hanging on. Then you do her best to make her feel crazy. You prey on weak women with low self esteem and you are very good at it. Maybe all of this happening to you is karma, if you believe in that sort of thing. If not, then maybe if you stop accepting that you’re the victim in all of these situations, you can figure your life out. You are self-centered and and epitome of narcissism. I believe you are still a good man at heart. I hope that you find happiness and obtain everything you have ever wanted. I just think that you won’t be able to until you own up to some of the errors that you’ve made and confront the people that you have hurt instead of only caring about how you’ve been hurt and wronged
    o I know you will disagree so here, Narcissism: extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
    That’s all you.
    You won’t ever know for sure who left this comment because you’ve hurt so many.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      Thanks for reading and commenting! The fact that you’re commenting anonymously shows me… well many things. LoL . I’m glad you got what you needed to off your chest, but we all know you don’t really stand by your opinion of me if youre too ashamed to show who you are. This is me… unafraid of being judged and admitting my imperfections.
      I’ve never promised anyone a house… in my life lol that’s absoutely absurd.
      And I don’t prey on anyone. I have the screenshots to prove, I am the one being persued. If you knew me at all, you’d know that much.

      So ,whoever you are, keep lying to yourself. And I’m glad you stopped by! Again, thanks for reading! 😉

      P.S. “Woman” is synonymous with strength…. so even if I did prey on ANY type of woman, it wouldn’t be weak ones, because there really aren’t any. Take you for instance… youre not weak… right now, you’re just being a coward. Peace!

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  6. Climmie says:

    Great rant Robert. If your marriage is like a tug-of-war you already have a huge problem. You have to be pulling in the same direction together. That perfect woman is out there, just be patient. With 5 children your plate is full. Just focus on getting them in a safe and healthy environment they are going through this divorce also. They didn’t ask for any of this so they are your number 1 priority..

    Like

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