Lord knows I would love to just tell people I’m “single”. But I’m technically not. As far as marital status goes:
Single – Never married
Engaged – proposed, agreed on, & waiting to be married [basically glorified bf/gf]
Married – well… married. Legally, paperwork, w/marriage certificate.
Seperated – IN STATES WHERE IT’S PERMITTED legally seperated, (again, paperwork) not living together
Divorced – Once Married, now legally divorced. Again… paperwork [I keep a copy of my divorce decree in my backpack, on a pdf on my phone and tablet… It’s even the background picture on my tablet.]
Widowed – your legal spouse died while you were still legally married.
I’ve never liked it when divorced people say “I’m single”, full stop. I understand, it’s easier than saying “I’m divorced”. Because honestly, I’ll always at some point be divorced. Even if I get married again. DIVORCED is a status you never really climb out of because you’ll always have that EX-WIFE or EX-Husband. They don’t just get erased from history because you get into a new relationship or marriage. It’s kinda like a repossession… except a divorce doesn’t fall off your credit report after so many years lol.
If tomorrow some lucky gal were to be able to honestly call herself my girlfriend, if we god-forbid some day breakup, It’s weird to go back to saying I’m divorced. It’s not like I divorced HER. But my marital status kinda… just stays the same. Really wish there were another word for it. Maybe, divorced and not taken lol.
But when you’re divorced and dating, I think we owe it to that new guy or gal to tell them that hey… I’ve been to the puppet show and I’ve seen the strings. There’s SOMEONE out there whom I’ve pledged my life to and had to take it back. It’s only fair.
I’ve never wanted to be one of those divorced assholes who discourage single folks from getting married. Just because shit didn’t work out for me doesn’t mean it won’t work for others. It’s not like I was surprised by my divorce. So, my thoughts on relationships, mine or yours haven’t changed. There’s hope. Truly. I think…
And honestly, what exactly would that say about me? When I see divorced people doing this it just makes me realize they’re still sad about their divorce. Sad they’re alone, and want others to be miserable right along with them. Not me… I couldn’t be more happy about my dirove other than the fact that my children now live in the worst place possible. And as far as I’m concerned, I’d love to come across a woman whom I’m attracted to, who’s attracted to me, has an income, isn’t a slut and cares more about kids than she does herself. I mean… that really doesn’t sound like too much to ask for, does it lol? Jesus Christ.
Dating after my divorce has been interesting. Granted, I had a little practice. To keep it all real as I always do, I dated more while I was married than I do now. I know, it’s terrible. Shut-up. We were “seperated” Haha! Bullshit.
But now that it’s all real, and women don’t have that adrenalene-rush of taking some woman’s man away [which I’m convinced makes a lot of women hot just thinking about it] dating has become a little odd.
First of all, I haven’t been LOOKING for shit! I have 5 kids that I’m trying like hell to get to a good home (mine), books and blogs to write and promote, bills to pay, parents to start caring for, a body to get right and, oh yea… a job! LoL. I really don’t have time to be convincing some chick that I’m awesome as hell and a good catch. I really don’t. But do we really have to be looking anymore to end up in a relationship? My last relationship happened so abruptly and unexpectedly I couldn’t even believe it. Someone I would’ve never thought I’d actually meet after knowing of her for so long.
I can’t rememeber the last time I’ve actually gone out, logged on or anything with the intentions of finding someone serious to be with. Not that I don’t think it’s possible, but I honestly just don’t have the patience.
Lately, I’ve even wondered what the point is. Either it’s someone who is super interested in me, but has absolutely nothing to offer, OR someone I would like to see myself with but they’re too infatuated with their options that they’re not looking to get married. Especially to an old, overly-confident, divorced asshole with five kids. 😉
By the time I’ve told a woman everything there is to know about me I’m sure they’re wishing they had an unswipe option. Or a way to unapproach me at a dance club lol. Or a way to strangle their friend or relative for hooking us up.
It all has me wondering, have I done too much? Am I that person who has too much baggage or unrealistic standards? But with the fact that I’m not necessarily casting a line out there, how do I attract the women I attract? Because it doesn’t seem to be a certain type. I’ve been approached by old ones, young ones, middle-aged ones, white ones, black ones, Filipino, Saudi, Eritrean, German, Hispanic, etc, Christian, agnostic, Muslim, tatted, skanky, prudish and single moms, divorced, single, tall, short, skinny and fat. But I’ll be damned if there isn’t something about every single one of them that has me wondering… “Is this it?” THIS i’s what I deserve?!
And there are those who claim that me having children isn’t a problem, when really it is. I used to think men were the only ones shallow enough to allow that to keep them from dating or being with someone. Fact is, women want to be the most important person to you. And don’t want anything coming before them. With a dad…. an actual dad, that’s just not possible. But what kind of asshole do you gotta be to want to come before someone’s kids? Ok… but that’s cool, if you’re that way, DON’T date a dude with kids! Right? No, apparently women [people, I guess] will say ANYTHING when they want someone. Regardless of the involvement of kids. Hell, it’s happened to me twice. The first one gave all the lip-service about being a stepmom, and the 2nd one actually went as far as putting herself in their lives. Neither were sure about it.
With these experiences, plus the fact that all this sort of puts a wear on the old thumper (heart)… I’m seriously just contemplating remaining Divorced, Not Looking.
Scream at me
Check this out.. I know this girls voice is annoying as fuck, however I went browsing on Youtube for videos with the keywords “dating”, “divorced”, and “kids”. There are several videos which could be considered as “how-to” and many which are simply warnings. this video [I couldn’t watch the whole thing, again, her voice] and it’s caption and the comments epitomise why I will probably be filing single on my taxes til I die lol. Unbelievable. I mean… I get it, but still… unbelievable.
p.s. I would love to see some dating-after-divorced horror stories.