Is Your Relationship ‘Facebook Official’?


As a few of you know, I have recently loosed myself of yet another useless individual.  No, not my ex-wife, my ex-girlfriend.  And using the word “useless” is even a stretch.  She was great in bed, gave a monster BJ, and was extremely good arm candy. However, on the usefulness vs. meaningful promises ratio, it’s a gross misalignment.

 

One of our issues [among her cheating, lying, being physically abusive, broke, and extremely vain, etc.] was of course social media.

Girl-Using-Laptop-Computer

Before I start, I want to say that there are a number of people on Planet Earth who don’t fuck with social media at all.  That’s cool, I can dig it.  This blog is NOT for you.  Matter of fact, if you don’t use social media and you’re reading this blog, KUDOS!  And welcome to the internet!  Thanks for choosing me, for one of your first online social experiences!

No, this is for you people who DO utilize social media.  For whatever reason it may be. Be it networking, spying on your children, job-searching, spying on family, dating, spying on your coworkers, generally being social, spying on your husband or wife, gaming, spying on ex-lovers, researching, spying on your current lover, standard public-figure stalking, or just passing the time.

 

At what point is that new boyfriend or girlfriend going to be introduced to your internet20108155_10103330045539013_4289415044736702007_n associates? After a year of being together?  Never? After you bone?  Or maybe, BEFORE one of you even know you’re in a relationship? (thanks Sabrina :p )

 

Some people say, that if your significant other doesn’t put you or your relationship on blast online, it means they’re hiding you from people.  Whether it be disapproving family, shit-talking “friends” or people they’re tying to appear available for.  Whatever the reason is, I guess what I’m wondering is, does it fucking matter?

 

Well, apparently it does.  KEEP IN MIND, I’m talking about people who USE SOCIAL MEDIA!  The people who just NEED to tell everyone when they change their fucking hair color.  Or the annoying people who have to let everyone know their kid started school even though EVERYONE knows its the first day of school because it’s the fucking first day of school! Honestly… we don’t need to see little LaQuisha with her brand new weave and Jordan’s on as if it’s special.  Or little Timmy with his brand new outfit from JCPenney’s and SuperCuts haircut. The internet is filled with everyone going to school… we get it.

Why is it people like that will put their business out there, about work, school, business, family, and outings with friends… but when they get locked down, or are supposedly exclusive… they want to keep the shit a secret?  You can’t tell me you didn’t THINK to do it!  You’re constantly on your phone!  Or tablet, or iPad sharing details of your life, and or watching everyone else share details of theirs.  There’s absolutely no way you can spend a certain amount of time with someone in 2017 be active on social media and not think to post something involving that person online.

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If you are one of these people, and all of a sudden you’re a PRIVATE PERSON when it comes to our relationship, you’re damn right, even as a man, I’m going to take that as a red flag.  You skank ass ho, of course!  Come on!

 

Anyway, I think just like anything else in a relationship it should involve a little talk.  It’s not like it needs to be a long deliberation such as ones involving the most major situations of a relationship: buying a house, or  giving of roadhead; but a little discussion about whether we are at that point where we can and or should post things about the relationship online.

 

I have my reservations about some of it personally.  There are two sides of the spectrum of course.  There is the suspect side, of someone who wants to air on the side of secrecy.  And the other who’s just a nuisance and uses their relationship as a show and tell project.  Just like with everything else I think there should be some balance.

 

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As always, none of this is gospel.  Just some things I’ve heard and seen.  I’ve been on every side of this coin.  However, I feel there’s a huge difference between someone who doesn’t feel like blasting their relationship details on the internet, and someone who doesn’t want YOU, their partner to do it either.  It’s just super suspect to me. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND AGAIN, I’m only talking about people who use social media. I remember I had an ex who had pictures of her and her ex boyfriend before me up on her instagram page well into our relationship.  I didn’t trip about it because honestly, I still had some on mine as well.  But it was like pulling teeth to get her to post pics of us lol.  And when we broke up, them bitches were gone, it seems before we even decided it was over! LoL, like the bitch was sitting there with her finger hovering over the “delete” button everyday! lol.  Anyway… I’m done.

 

I started writing this blog a few months ago while I was still a little butthurt over some shit.  Now instead of me moping around about #138, I’m just glad I saw the light before I was out of more time and money.  Because our relationship definitely was not facebook official.

 

Aint that some shit?

 

Scream at me

 

 

P.S. Don’t judge me on this blog.  I’m just getting back into it, and I have 8 more that I’ve written this year ready to wow you with how unimpressive my blogging skills are lately.  Stay tuned lol.  I’m just fucking exhausted.  And my give-a-fuck meter is at an all time low. But hey… #ReadFILIPINA #FilipinaNovel 😉

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18 thoughts on “Is Your Relationship ‘Facebook Official’?

  1. S. Rucker says:

    Had to read it twice to formulate a well thought out response. I have some bullet points. A) I started my ‘life is an open book’ saga long before social media. I’ve always found a genuine like ability about someone who can share the most depressing details of their lives, and make a connection to someone going thru the same bullshit! Not everyone can afford counselor fees.. and let’s Be honest, someone who has personally gone through it may even be a better outreach. In this way, I find social media can be a useful tool.. with tact. B) 2017 relationships. They’re fucking confusing! I posted a photo of me and C. Franks at a bar, just having fun. No relationship innuendo, no ‘my man’ shit.. I had someone approach another man I used to date and say “I’m so glad you and Sabrina finally went public”. Awkward!!!! So I deleted it. I wasn’t even close to wanting a “title” or the assumption we were together more than friends. So I deleted it. It was a coward move, and it really hurt his feelings. It caused some drama among us and I ultimately had to confess I wasn’t into a relationship. Alas, when I was ready to be in a relationship and profess my love to someone I then knew what a post would do. I’ve seen it. Apparently when you get divorced you dating someone is a super hot topic. Lucky for me he’s sexy and well liked among my ‘social media stalkers’. Lol. Long story short, I learned the hard way not to post Facebook relationship references unless I was ready. I was serious. I was. I am. So, no regrets. The only thing I would change is asking permission and having The talk beforehand as to avoid another super awkward late night convo. Lol. Some things I will never change, but I do think based on this blog I can be more cognizant of. Some things SHOULD remain private, but not you. You’re too sexy. And not my kids, they’re too cute. Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Megan says:

    This was literally a conversation I had with my friend today. (A guy she’s been seeing FB relationshiped her without asking).

    For me, it takes me being commited and exclusive in the relationship along with a conversation about it with my partner before it becomes public. I do think it’s fine to post pictures with someone you’re casually seeing without changing your relationship status.
    However, posting pictures with your casual beau without changing your relationship status is fine.

    Like

  3. Megan says:

    This was literally a conversation I had with my friend today. (A guy she’s been seeing FB relationshiped her without asking).

    For me, it takes me being commited and exclusive in the relationship along with a conversation about it with my partner before it becomes public.
    However, posting pictures with your casual beau without changing your relationship status is fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The Jenny Morgan says:

    So Uhm my husband and I got married before we even told my parents we were engaged so I don’t think I’m the typical bar where the standard should be held…

    But if someone in this day doesn’t want photos or a status on FB at all, I’d assume they are shady AF. Just saying.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yery says:

    So I have been with my current BF for 18 months. I didn’t make our relationship known on Facebook right away because of the circumstances on how we started dating. I did it after he was officially divorced…. and also I had gone through a lot of trouble times and drama in previous years (Sabrina knows what I’m talking about).
    May 2016 is when I started posting pics of us at places etc, we both made it official on Facebook back in Sep 2016 (we started dating Feb 2016).
    He is not a big fan of Facebook, he’s 36 an executive and has very few pics on his Facebook pretty much they are all tagged pics…. he has a couple of us but none that he has posted himself. He has like 30 friends only btw.
    When I asked why he doesn’t post anything about us or me he says he doesn’t want the drama ( his sister and his ex are still beat friends) and why do people need to know….
    YeS sometimes it bothers me…. sometimes it doesnt….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      I appreciate the fact that it seems hes not into social media that way though… 30 friends? It would be differet if he were big into it, no? I like how you dealt though. Thanks for reading and commenting, Yeri!

      Like

  6. Shelley Harris says:

    Been in that situation before and to this day I truly feel they just wanted me to be a secret so others he entertained would be ok. Oh well life goes on and sorry you had to go through it friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jessica G says:

    Great Blog!

    My girlfriends and I were just talking about this not too long ago. I have to agree with you that posting every seemingly important detail of our lives on social media and not posting the supposedly most important person in our life seems very sketchy. I mean come on, one can not tell me they aren’t hiding something if they can post how much their coffee makes them happy why wouldn’t they want to post the person who makes them happy. Personally I don’t have much experience in the dating department. I literally have only been in 2 legit relationships my entire 30 years of living. My first relationship of 10 years, facebook was not even popular but myspace was and I couldn’t even think of anything else to post about other than my husband and family. Once I was separated I had a few months of dating and then was reacquainted with an old middle school fling who found me on Facebook. We dated 6-7 months and after several talks about each others wants and needs decided to make it official. I noticed that a few pics I tagged him in were set in a custom view so I could see them on his page and the people he chose to share them with but not everyone could view them. (Those spying skills you spoke of are legit). I approached him about it and told him I felt he was hiding something (me) and I do not approve of that. I understand my worth and I want my partner to be proud of me not hide me. The weird part was I had already met all of his family, friends and even got to know his kids at that point, so I was really unsure of why he did this. If anything I was the one going through a divorce at the time so I would have figured I would be more reluctant to hide my new status than he would. After speaking to him about it of course he changed the view for all to see and I was happy, but shortly after he deleted his FB account all together. He said he found what he needed on there (me) and had no use for it anymore especially if I felt it would cause issues in our relationship. I did not ask him to do this and never felt it would cause issues, I just didn’t want to feel like I am publically telling the world how happy I am with someone who can’t even post a pic with me on theirs. For 4 years he went without a facebook and we never had a single issue (as far as fb goes). I am sure he will reappear to the social media world as a new single man though so I figured he deleted it just to make me happy. I have no clue how to date especially in this new era of social media. I am a very loyal person so I think it would bother me if the person I was dating exclusively did not want to share this after we have agreed to commitment. I am really not a huge fan of social media but I do realize this is how the world communicates with each other now and I also have a teenager I have to keep myself updated on technology lol. I use it to stay in touch and update family and friends about my life as well as stay updated on theirs. It is also good for entertainment and time killing at work. I wished that this wasn’t even a subject of today and dating but truth is it is. I enjoy reading your blogs and the interesting topics you choose. I am counting on more to come!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      My goodness, that is so interesting. Your love life has completely embodied this subject matter perfectly! I’m sorry dating hasnt gone well for you either. Hopefully theres a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep making your issues known to your partner like you did before. Upfront honesty is always the best way to go, as you know! Thanks for reading and commenting, Jessica!

      Like

  8. Cami says:

    It’s really a double-edged sword. And should be handled on a case by case basis. Social Media is a major part of our lives these days whether we’d like to admit it or not. Like you’ve stated and many others have reiterated, if you’re one to post the most important happenings and people in your lives, hell yeah you should be posting shit about your partner. I think it’s reasonable to talk to them to first to make sure they’re okay with it obviously. At the same time, maybe that’s the one thing we aren’t ready to share with the world just yet. There could be so many variables at play. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re hiding said person, you’re just not ready to have to field the judgements, questions, drama that can come from being with someone new. If it’s an established relationship for a while and most of your circle is familiar with your partner, then I don’t see a reason that he/she can share your heart, your bed, your mouth, and not be a mention on your damn timeline or a tag in a meme. Lol. The double edged part comes in when social media becomes the elephant in the room most days. When it’s become so accessible to reach out to an ex when it seems like they’re in a new relationship, to reignite an old fling, to just “talk” to someone new. Should social media really have such a major role in a relationship? I think either way, open communication is key. Just my thoughts. Great blog, Rooks. As always. 💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

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