At my age, it’s commonplace to run into a certain few things while dating. Not absolute, but commonplace. Most women in my dating pool have kids. A large number of them are divorced. A large number of them are set into their career fields. And a large number of them are jaded, and widely tired of the whole dating scene. But one thing I’ve learned to almost count on other than the fact that said woman is going to want to jump my bones within the first two dates is, she is someone’s ex. Someone’s ex-wife, sometimes an ex-girlfriend, or sometimes just someone’s ex-lover. But I’ve learned that I’m most likely never going to be the first.
So what exactly does this mean?
Undoubtedly the woman whom I’m seeing has been in love with another man. She’s held him in her arms. Kissed him, made love to him. Maybe even cooked for him. And at a certain point in time, things were good between them. They had hope for a future together. They may have said they’d stay together for ever. Always love one another. Made decisions together that are commonly life-long ones, like a decision to have a child, buy a home, or buy a time-share together. Maybe even start a business as a couple.
So, why is she with me?
Somewhere along the way, one or both of them lost sight of what it was which brought them together. If I can be blunt and candid, I can recall a time when I married the best pussy I had to date. If there ever were a bad reason to get married, that would be at the very top of the list. Because what about everything else? Not only did I not recieve these things but ‘the best pussy’ thing also wore thin. So, I lost sight of that lol.
Now that I’m divorced, she’s seeing someone else. Has he ever wondered why I’d let her go? Neglect her? Curse her out? Not want to make love to her ever again? Be disgusted with every part of her being? Maybe so, maybe not. If he ever wants to know, I’ll gladly tell him. But the fact is, things do change.
The instances which the person realizes the person he lost, he still desires, still wants, or doesn’t want anyone else to have, is the one which baffles me the most. I still have the same questions. Why or how did you lose sight of what you had and wanted so badly at one point? Did you forget how fun it was to be with her? How beautiful her smile is? How much of an extreme pleasure it is to make love to her? How loyal she was to you? And this could be for a woman as well. I’ve seen it both ways. I’m just directing this at the men because… I fucking feel like it. 😉
What makes a man wait until it’s too late? Until she’s given up on him. Or found someone else. Being reactive instead of proactive? Choosing to be jealous instead of attentive. In some cases, it works. The woman will accept you back after you realized you fucked up and you need her back. But if the woman is smart, she’ll realize you’re doing that because you’re being selfish. You’re realizing how good she was for you, and how much YOU miss her. But what about all the times she was missing, wanting and needing you? All the things you did to get her to the point of giving up?
I suppose that’s another thought for another time. I believe the words “comfort” and “complacency” are appropriate for an answer to the question. It’s easy to take your partner for granted after they’ve been with you for a while. To look at them as someone who is obligated to be around. Not someone who chose you to be with. And chooses every single day. Normally, in a good relationship, that daily choice is easy… but after comfort sets in, it’s harder and harder. Until one day that person wakes up and asks, “Why the fuck am I here?”
That’s the wrong time to start wanting to treat your partner right. In most cases, it’s going to be a futile effort. Because she’s possibly on to the next. And if she’s on to the next, what’s that mean for you? You’ve just lost someone who you forgot you wanted. Or did you want her in the first place? Whether you did or not, you’re undoubtedly hating the thought that the next is enjoying her smile. Her voice. Her presence. Her cooking. Her love.
And just how my Nissan 350Z with the bad spark plugs was basically a peice of trash, I still sold it a couple of months ago. It was a burden to me, and it had ran it’s course. I wanted something new. It’s gone, and possibly being utilized by someone else who had the time and the skill to give it the TLC that it needed to be all it can be. An awesome sports vehicle which is admirable and dependable. My trash was someone elses treasure. If I still wanted that car… I should’ve kept it, and treated it right. Fixed it up. Done the routine maintenance.
Now… for those weak-minded individuals you will undoubtedly think I just reduced a woman to a car. But no… it’s just an anology. If I have a woman, and I want to keep her, I have to work on my relationship with her. I need to take care of her. I need to service her. 😉
Because if I treat it like trash… someone else will come along and take it. And it’ll once again be what it was meant to be. And I will have to deal with it.
Scream at me
Happy couple holding hands in tall grass – Pixabay artist: Pexels
Happy couple laughing in wheat grass – Pixabay artist: Pexels
Jealous man onlooking – http://www.Time.com