This whole thing has been really rough on me. Blogging twice a week for this whole year has taught myself and others a lot. At least I’ve been told it has. However, sometimes with the feedback I get [which is grossly private for some reason] it seems like I don’t get my message across clearly. The way I think about things isn’t widely accepted. So it’s important that when I express my standpoints and views that even people who are rightfully at a different level of comprehension get the message loud and clear.
We’ve been taught all our lives not to use people and not to let ourselves be used. To an extreme extent that is true. But I’m here to tell people that no relationship will continue if the two in that relationship have no use for the other. I believe that we all use the people in our lives for something or another, if not, then that relationship will cease to exist. I’ve seen it happen way too many times for it not to be true. I think people just have a problem with the word “use”, but it is the most appropriate.
I’ve seen people used for common things like money, sex, status and social circles. That’s the more common and negative side of using people… but still okay to a certain extent if there’s some sort of reciprocity. In the forms where it happens on an everyday basis to people who might not get it, I suppose I’ll start with something easy. Say, a friendship between two people. Even more easy… let’s say one person is me!
I have VERY LITTLE to offer a friend. Which is why I know about a hundred thousand people, but only 4 of them are friends. People’s use for me is narrowed to a small window. I’m insightful, I’m a pleasure to be around, and I write shit. That’s about it.
The people who stay in my life use me for my ability to bring a smile to their face, offer them honest, UNBIASED perspective on something, or advice about writing. That’s it!
I let those people use me because that’s what I’m good for! And in turn, if I have a use for them, we talk even more because I’m using them for something. However, if I have no use for the people using me, we barely talk. See, the use we have for people must be mutual. And the more uses we have for one another, the more we are in eachothers lives.
If you have the same taste in clothes or shoes, we might be shopping buddies, and nothing else!
If you offer great advice. Can cook. And have the wanting to let me use you for sex…? Hell, we might be lovers!
If you do all that, plus let me use your apartment to sleep in, hell… we might be in a committed relationship!
It’s a simple concept and a numbers game. The higher number of uses you have for someone, the more you use them, the more time you spend the deeper your relationship.
(A short video i found after searching the title of my blog on youtube.)
Adversely, if you don’t have a use for someone, whatever initially brought you together will wear thin and you will soon be wondering, “Hey, whatever happened to that one guy”?
Look through your cell phone messages right now. Scroll all the way down. With the exception of onesey-twosies of people who randomly may have sent you a text recently, who are the ones you speak to the most? How about the ones all the way down at the bottom [thats if you’re like me and rarely delete ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS]. Those people at the bottom outwore their usage a long time ago. Or proved that they weren’t good for what you were using them for in the first place! But that person who you need for moral support, the person that you need to help you through hard times, the person who makes you feel good because you like to help them with their relationships endeavors, or that person who always compliments your outfits or WHATEVER…. they’re at or near the top. And you guys talk the most out of everyone. It could be the biggest use you have for them is to see that they’ve been thinking about you today.
As I look at my own life… I have people who have had a major use for me at one point, and now… have other people that they use for the same things. So I never hear from them. I’ve been used for dick. Companionship. A shoulder to cry on. Someone to vent to. When those people needed those things, I heard from them quite often. But as soon as I refused to be used for that, or they found someone else for those things, they become a memory. At any given point I felt like they were using me to the point it felt unfair, I had the choice to pull the plug and stop being used, or allow them to continue.
I think I’ve beaten this to death. I figured perhaps repeating myself in different ways would help the point get across more smoothly, but all in all, those who feel the concept of using others is a negative one, they will continue to disagree, which is fine. But either way, you will go back to your own life and look around at the people you talk to the most, and don’t talk to at all and realize, It’s OKAY to Use People.
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