I Don’t Do All That Freaky Shit


Since when was having-sex not enough?  Seriously, why all the extra shit?  I was out at the Cheesecake Factory with one of those Tinder-Meal whores several months back, and she looked at me like I had shit on my face when I told her all the things she could expect NOT to get from me sexually.  While I paid for this bitch to have a glass or two of WHATEVER and $7.00 slices of cheesecake no less.

Rooks eat da booty

Look, I get it. Sex is great, but SOMETIMES you wanna blah blah blah, but I’m sorry.  NO!  I’m not interested.  Why do I have to feel weird or have to be labeled because I’m not into it?  But I’m wrong with calling ya’ll freaky, and sick and nasty? I just wanna have sex and get back to watching cartoons or any of a number of things I could be doing other than…. all this mess.

Hair Pulling and Ass-Slapping [and a little light choking]:

Let’s start out light.  Apparently this is the most common thing that I don’t do.  GASP! Shut up.  Why the hell am I trying to hurt you?  I’ve heard women say it’s not about pain, and I’ve also heard women say IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PAIN. Either way… I don’t wanna do it!  Last time I checked, pulling hair choking and slapping sounds like a fucking fight to me!  Not sex!

Pain during sex is supposed to release endorphins which heightens the amount of sexual pleasure.  Well big fucking whup!  I’m supposed to beat your ass just so you can get your rocks off quicker.  Fuck DOT. Seriously, I’d like to think that with the right girl I’d try it… but so far I haven’t.  And I really don’t see it happening.  It just seems weird.  I don’t have it in me.

Thumbs up!  A surprise during doggy-style:

Ok… ewl.  Seriously.  What?  I was kinda iffy about porking a chick in the ass, but you want me to stickm.imagezog.com my thumb up there?  It’s supposedly supposed to be like… extra stimulation to… whatever it is in the ass back there.  I have no idea.  Fact is, I use my thumbs to help me pick up slices of pizza!  And tacos!  And if I get frosting on my thumb from eating a cupcake, I wanna lick my thumb off!  If I’m too busy sticking my thumb in your ass during sex, I’m NOT going to be able to do that!  EVER AGAIN!  I’m gonna have to wash marinara sauce off my thumbs instead of licking it.  That’s bullshit.  No.  No thumbs in the ass.  I don’t even understand.  And don’t even THINK ABOUT doing it to me!

Get a rope!:

“I wanna tie you up, Rooks.”  Bitch you’ve lost your mind.  You wanna tie me up?  Why?  It’s supposed to be titillating to be teased and pleasured while I’m defenseless and can’t touch her back.  But my wallet is on the night stand.  So is my cell phone.  And I’m sorry, but when I feel like squeezing some ass, I wanna squeeze some ass!  Why’s everything gotta be a fucking game these days?

vixendaily.com

No, sorry, you’re not tying me up.  Tie yourself up.

Gotta go potty:

So to most people who do SOME freaky shit, they may not be into THIS.  People who are into going number 1 and or number 2 on one another… it’s just insane.  But me, I put all the shit in one category.  None of this is sex!  It’s like… a collection of how much sick shit you can do to someone behind closed doors.  And seemingly… to come to the same damn conclusion.  Ejaculating and falling asleep.  I don’t get the point.  I will rip a girls ass off if she tried to shit on me. What has to be going on in your head to do that?

 

Toys R Us:

I know supposedly every woman has one or some. And of course it’s ones right or… whatever, to own sex toys.  Women even celebrate them at times. Have their memes, sayings and even parties where they sell them to their friends and family and try them out.

Myself, I’ve always looked at them as an insult to men.  Don’t get me Screenshot_2016-08-14-10-56-51-1wrong, if a woman is either single, or taken and wants to pleasure herself while her man is gone with toys instead of going out and getting a man just for the sake of having an orgasm [or not] I understand.  It’s just masturbation.  It makes sense.  But when I’m there, and a woman introduces toys, or at least the thought of bringing toys into the equation, it only says to me “You’re not doing enough”.  Which, in my case is something I’ve most likely stated up front.  But what about the guys who ARE putting it down in the bedroom?  Or at least trying to.  Telling me and or them that you need some extra shit to make this experience more pleasurable for you tells me that I’m not getting the job done.

 

It’s just my opinion.  I may be a little insecure, who knows?

 

3’s company:

Group sex is pretty much the same thing to me.  I always felt sex was supposed to be something between 2 people.  I know, the more the merrier, but I’m certain I wouldn’t know what to do with more than one woman in the bed.  Hell, I can barely handle one in most instances.  Isn’t having more than 2 people engaged in sexual Screenshot_2016-08-14-11-06-07-1activity confusing?  What am I supposed to do?  How much time do I spend sucking on #1s tits and what am I supposed to do with my hands while doing so ?  Does everyone need to have someones hands on them at all times or does one person just watch, while the other two get it on, and then just tag in like WWF tag-team wrestling?

And does it make a woman a ho if she wants two dicks in her at once?  Am I supposed to feel weird if our balls touch? LoL.  I’m just messing around now, but this is something I won’t ever find myself involved in.  Kinda makes a mockery of sex if you ask me.  But then again, I don’t do all this freaky shit.

Beat that ass!:

BDSM: Bondage, dominance, sadomasochism. I don’t know if any of the aforementioned comes under sluttygirlproblems.comthis title. But it is another group of extremely popular types of ‘sex’ which I will not be participating in.  Please don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT hating on people who do it.  I’m really not.  I’m not hating on all you sick bastards!  Ok!  I promise. But what the hell? I honestly think you gotta be a sick and twisted person to want to do all this shit to someone. Like, honestly, where DID the sex go? lol.  Apparently, BDSM isn’t about the sex though. I’m not even here to get into it because I’m not an authority on the matter.  Maybe someone could enlighten me… verbally.  But definitely, I won’t be doing it.

 

People like to say, “don’t knock it til you try it”. But there are PLENTY of things that any self-respecting person can say they want nothing to do without trying it first. I don’t want to eat shit.  Never done it.  I don’t want to mess with any kids.  Never done it.  I don’t want to join the Coast Guard.  Never done it.  I don’t want to live in Siberia, and I’ve never been there. I just have a set of standards.  And those standards don’t include having my thumb in your ass, while fucking you doggy style, right after I just smacked your ass, yanked your hair, called you a dirty little whore, while you’re bound and gagged, just before you shit on my stomach!

I don’t do all that freaky shit.

 

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22 thoughts on “I Don’t Do All That Freaky Shit

  1. Dja says:

    This blog is hilarious.. the way you written it got my smiling. To each their own. I have my boundries as well but still we are total opposite from each other 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Brandy says:

    This made me laugh so hard!! I have to say I agree with u on most of it!! I don’t want a thumb or anything for that matter in my ass! My response to anal sex is if u don’t want a dick in your ass what makes u think I want one in mine!! However the whole toy thing can be quite pleasurable for u as well! It doesn’t necessarily mean u aren’t pleasing her it just adds a new sensation to the act!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      Well… in response to the anal thing, I don’t want a dick in my mouth, but you do (I suppose, right?) . Why would you compare what a man wants inside of him to what a woman wants lol?
      I don’t want no new sensations! I just wanna cum and go to sleep! Lol. Thanks for reading and commenting, Brandy! 🙂

      Like

  3. Farrah says:

    Lol, Rooks! I don’t even know where to begin. We’ve joked about so many of these outlandish and wild ideas, but lots of people REALLY do partake in these shenanigans. I think it’s ok to “spice things up” sometimes it both people are up for it. However, for me, my partner and whatever he chooses to do or not do, is enough for me. Have to be submissive and keep my man satisfied 😉

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Farrah says:

        lmao @ (right now). Well, you listed a bunch of things people do. But, being the hopeless romantic I am, I’d settle for rose petals and candles all over the room. Oh, and MAYBE some chocolates 😜 All the “Reggie” jokes aside, that’s really something I’ve always fantasized about. Hoping to meet someone who will make that a reality someday. Simplicity is usually always best (for me) anyway. 😃🌹💝

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Marie says:

    Thanks for sharing it’s always good reading your stuff! While I agree some stuff is just freaky nasty what’s wrong with just letting stuff happen naturally? Since when do we have to have a game plan? If by some chance in the heat of the moment you feel like grabbing pulling or spanking something is that out of line? I think when you’re caught up in the moment of some mad passionate sex anything can happen! Right?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Laura says:

    I’m with you on the finger in the butt, but a little spanking, hair pool is OK every once in a while. I think anything “freaky” should be done in a relationship with someone you really trust.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Fallon says:

    I guess we’ve already had this conversation so I don’t need to state my opinion here but this blog had me laughing. Well, I guess you know what you like….you didn’t address oral sex or did I miss something? Maybe you’re more open to “freaky” stuff than you thought 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      No…. i just thought that was a given. Although, I can’t say I’ve never done it (oral) before, so no, I couldnt include it in this blog lol. Plus, you commenting isnt for me, its for everyone! So yea, we need your opinion, going forward. Thanks for reading and commenting, Fallon! 😙🤗

      Like

  7. Fallon says:

    Okay, so I don’t do ALL of that freaky stuff either lol. I have my boundaries and my preferences. However, I don’t ever think sex should just be sex. If you’re just looking to “cum and go to sleep” are you in it just for the nut or are you looking to connect to your partner in the process? Sex is beautiful and a hell of a lot of fun. I think it’s about exploring eachother and essentially about pleasing your partner. Of course you should both aim for pleasure but I think if we get out of our own selves and try to get in tune with our partner’s desires and pleasing them, it makes for a much more pleasurable and fulfilling experience. That doesn’t mean you should do every freaky thing that the other person wants, especially if you are uncomfortable. But sometimes venturing out of the norm can surprise us. I don’t think sex should be a scripted, same thing, same time, same positions thing. That also doesn’t mean I want anyone near my butthole or that I want to be abused in the process. There’s definitely limits to what I will allow. When you’re making love and not just having sex the experience is different as well. I think you become more willing to step outside of your comfort zone. But that’s just my two cents….

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Misti says:

    Everyone has their boundaries and what makes them comfortable I definitely don’t want the shit beat out of me but I’m very dominate so hints that in the bedroom is very much so a turn on and don’t take toys as an insult … sometimes not all the time it’s fun and spices things up to just play and have fun just an experience between 2 people that’s a bit erotic before or while you make love to your partner. Not an all The time thing but every now and then thing … if I’m with someone we are in a relationship unless he was holding it down friendship wise mental stimulation and in the bedroom I wouldn’t be there I think that is mutual for both parties I’m a pleaser but it something that goes both ways and it it does 2 people will always have a beautiful relationship… it won’t always be peaches and cream relationships are constant work but if you are always working on it then you won’t get In a rut and you are able to find and learn little things that make you fall in love with them over and over again… I definitely wouldn’t do anything that would make my partner feel uncomfortable or upset in anyway though like I said everyone has their boundaries that should be respected but not being totally shut of to different things and maybe every now and then being a little more open to try a little something added isn’t always a bad thing. It just keeps things spicy …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Robert Lovelle Rooks says:

      Even though you say I shouldn’t take toys as an insult… it’s just how I feel. But I’m glad that some women don’t mean in it in that way.
      You have no idea how many women have told me that we’d be sexually incompatible because I’m not into these things . Just goes to show all this is more important than most women say it is.
      Thanks for reading and commenting, Misti!

      Like

  9. Cami says:

    At the end of the day, it’s all about compromise and pleasing each other. If your lover wants to try something and you’re completely against it then I believe that should be respected. If it’s something that’s extremely important to them, they shouldn’t be wasting their time or yours. If there are strong feelings involved, that totally changes the game. It’s not just sex anymore at that point. And “just cumming and going to sleep” can be the best sexual experience of your life with the right person.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. terica gizelle says:

    I actually just had this conversation a few days ago with one of the “tender pervs” that I found online. For the life of me I could not understand why he wanted to press the issue of bringing toys and other women into the bedroom… my first thought was “dude we’ve only been talking on the phone for like 5 days.” Number 2, “Why has every conversation been about weird freaky outlandish activities? What happened to normal sex? why must we do all this extra stuff? I mean is my vagina not enough? And why is pain in the equation? I’m sorry but I don’t think it’s fun or erotic to be hurt by the man who’s making love to me. If you start choking and hitting me…ummmm… I’m going to think that you’re mad at me, feel hurt, and want to stop. Now I do understand that some people find pleasure in these extra activities, but that’s just it, it’s extra! …well at least for me it is. Maybe I’m old-fashioned but sex between me and my partner should be intimate and beautiful, hot and heavy, not painfully weird.

    Liked by 1 person

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