One would think with all the tools we have available to us in order to stay in touch these days, a long distance relationship would be easier to maintain. E-mails, texting, video chat, facetime etc… they’re all here to virtually connect those who are misplaced. But sometimes, the necessary evil we all call The Long Distance Relationship won’t be cured by technology.
Let’s skip to the LDR that I’m specifically talking about. We all know fathers get seperated from children, mothers get seperated from children, friends from friends and co-workers from co-workers. But fortunately [and sometimes unfortunately] these aren’t bonds that can be easily broken by distance. If I go away from home on a business trip, and don’t have Skype, I’m still going to be the father when I get back. If I’m your boss when I go away for vacation, emails, texts, or not, I’m still going to be your boss when I return.
But when someone leaves a relatiopnship [boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, husband/husband, girlfriend/girlfriend, what have you] for college, work, basic training, or whatever the case may be, for a long period of time that situation could possibly change anytime from when the plane takes off and lands, the bus doors close and open, or the train crawls off, and stops. What can possibily keep those two together, as if the distance doesn’t affect them? Better yet, what can keep those two together, in spite of the affects of said distance?
Let’s face it, even though you can barely trust someone you’ve known for 15 years just as well as you can trust someone you’ve known for 15 minutes, it’s a bit easier to trust someone you have some time in with. I say this to say that more often than not, if you just got together, distance isn’t the best way to continue. Your first month may’ve been great. But that doesn’t mean it’s ready for the test of time AND distance. Life Happens, right? Maybe you didn’t plan on that job offer coming through. Maybe you didn’t plan on that unexpected family death, and having to go home to care for a family member in their time of grief. There are thousands of ‘maybes’ to choose from, but one thing is a constant: You don’t want this relationship to end. Just be warned… if your relationship isn’t strong enough, it won’t withstand the distance. More often than not, you need time with someone. Real time, together. Before attemtping to make it through being away from the other.
Here is the key to any relationship and bested in importance only by trust. And trust really isn’t possible to maintain without communication. The things I mentioned earlier make this so much easier. Daily Skype sessions could work WONDERS for a healthy couple. They can even work wonders for a troubled couple, because even though disagreements and maybe even arguments are essential to any real relationship, it’s always better to hear and see the emotion of the person you’re talking to, rather than just dealing with it in black and white.
This can also be a downfall to relationships due to suspicion and insecurity. One can’t mention modern communication without mentioning social media. Long story short, nothing makes a long distance relationship fail quicker than a girl seeing pictures of her lover having a good time… ANYWHERE, without her. Most wonmen would like to think they’re too mature for this type of behavior. My response to that would be… Bitch please.
Keep your communication game up to snuff. It’s a must. If there’s an issue, address it immediately, maturely, and with an open mind. There’s nothing worse than having the gumption to address a problem, but already have your mind made up about the outcome even if you’re not sure.
If at all possible, visit each other whenever possible. If you have the money to go to Vegas with your homeboys, you had the money to go to Canada to see your girlfriend. Keep your priorities in check. If money is the issue, save. If the person you’re longing to be with is a bus or a train ride away, stack your nickels up to see them! It may take a while, but they do add up. Surprise visits are the best. For more reasons than one.
I’m simply assuming you’ve been sexually active. If so, you have needs. If not, disregard. You’re good. But if you have red blood pumping through your veins and are over 17… keep reading. If you two are to remain faithful to the other I’m certain you’ll want to have some type of visual, or audio stimulation from your lover for… whatever it is you do with yourself when you need your “me time”. No one in a good relationship should be too inhibited to do this. If you’re willing to please your partner in person, and everything is supposed to be the same between yourselves in a long distance relationship then it is STILL YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. As my ex-girlfriend would say “…if your girlfriend sends you some wank material, why not?” [Yea… she’s Irish, I guess they say “Wank”]
Within reason, you need to do what the other needs to be satisfied. If you can’t do that, you need to go back to the trust and relationship strength factors. I know women who send me naked pictures just because it’s Thursday… why shouldn’t a woman I’m supposed to be with not want to do the same or MORE? [A woman should always be wanting to do more than “the other woman”… but that’s ANOTHER BLOG]
Do you really want this? Be honest about it. If this person is going to be worth all the “I miss you” and longing, wishing yearning, then be sure about it. 100% sure, and do everything in your power to assure the person that’s on the other end, he or she is worth it to you.
Be honest about your expectations and limitations. If your relationship is strong, you should somewhat know who youre dealing with. Even though, how the other acts in your long-term absence is something you might not know up to this point, you should have a clue. Just assume that if you’ve put up with your boyfriend being so jealous that he wants to pole vault with someones vertebrae whenever men look at you, then just assume he’s just as jealous or moreso when you’re far away. Or if you’re with a woman who wants to know why any woman, even your female cousins clicked the LIKE button on your profile pictures on Facebook, then just assume she’s at least that jealous or worse at distance.
Things which seem petty or a non-issue may become an issue within a long distance relationship. Which is why they’re such a big deal. It’s easy to trust someone when they’re in your face all day, but when you’re across the state, across the country, or on completely different sides of the globe, things can change.
The End Game:
In order for it to be an LDR there needs to be an endgame. No one stays together after leaving each others presence not knowing how or when they’re going to be together again. Discuss, plan out, and execute a realistic end game and stick to it. This way both of you have a common goal in mind. This way, other than your like, love, or lust for each other you both have something to look forward to, and work towards together.
Can Long-Distance Relationships work these days? I’m 100% sure they can, but it’s up to you. It’s not easy, but like people say, what worth-having is easy?
Scream at me