What is Cheating Anyway?

I was having a conversation with two of my male buds the other day.  Cheating was the subject.  I think we heard a song on the radio that’d sparked this conversation and it went from there.

Boy did it get heavy.  To me, it was one of those rare points that male bonding goes beyond being all about testosterone filled topics such as sports and donkeypunching to something that actually matters.

Touched my heart. No homo.

Anywho.  As far as Rooks the Almighty Enlightend One was concerned, there were pretty much only three ways to cheat, and they all fell under one category.  Physical.

One of my buds was, i later had found out cheated on by his wife while he was still being faithful to her while on the road working. He took the attitude like… ok.  I’m not going to divorce you… but… it’s on. Basically a frickfest free-for-all.

The other, had a more… ‘understanding’ and comprimising wife.  These two apparently believed that marriage was a bit unfair in the first place.  Being with one person for the rest of your life sexually is a bit too much to ask.  (can’t too much argue with that yet) And if there’s going to be urges, let them happen… just let me know about it.

All in all, what buddy number 2 was trying to say is cheating is defined by the one youre with.  By the couple.  The vows, and the standards and processes the marriage and those in it go through are up to them and no one else.

This solidifies my thoughts about marriage as an institution.  It doesnt exist anymore.  As if it really ever did.

Meanwhile, I’m on the defensive for some awkward reason.  I’m arguing that marriage should have standards and that they’d been set.

His questions were:

“What were they?” and, “Who set them?”

And it made me wonder.  What WERE the standards?  And who DID set them?  I’m sure theologians could tell me a biblical origin.  but what about those who dont believe in the bible?  There are thousands of religions! Then there are people that have no religion at all! Then there are those that marry outside of their belief-structure.  Who decides who goes by what standards?  If any.

First time in a while I’ve had my eyes opened to something.

Cheating.  Love. Consideration. Patience. Caring.  They all boil down to the two people in that marriage, and ONCE AGAIN… their trust.


Now the good part.

Logistics of cheating:

My original question.

What is cheating?

Now that we’ve established that there is no statute for cheating and everyone is different.  Lets make one other thing known before we begin.  Women are crazy.  And with that, every single last one of them have a little crazy thing about them that no other crazy woman has.

Some women think having sex with another woman is cheating.

Pretty standard.

Some women would say that kissing is cheating.


Some women say that touching is cheating…


There are women that think latenight phone conversations are cheating.


There’s a woman that will jump in your rear, if you look at a woman the wrong way.


Yes.  Who decides what cheating is indeed!  That list can go on and on and on.

Believe me.

Then you have men.  Like me, if I saw my woman sitting in another mans lap.


No bodily fluids being exchanged… no nothing, but sitting in his lap.  I think that is just … A woman sitting in a mans lap to me is a sign of posession.  The only females that’ve been in my lap are the women i’ve been with and my daughters. Thats it.  I wouldnt dare let a mans wife sit in my lap.

Pulp Fiction.  Tony Rocky Horror was believed to be thrown out of a window for massaging Marcellus Wallaces’ wifes feet.  There was a disagreement whether that’d be appropriate.  Well, to some men it would be, to some it wouldnt.

Does the judge at your marriage ceremony tell you whats cheating?  How about the pastor or priest who marries you? Does he/She tell you not to sit in anyone elses lap?  Does he/she tell you not to be on the phone latenight with another woman?  Or what time is too late?

No.  your wife tells you.

Your husband tells you.

therefore you and he, you and she, make these rules.  You set the tone of your relationship, and you trust that with the rules that YOU have made for your relationship/marriage will suffice for how you want to live out your life with one another.  Its THOSE boundaries that you dont want to step out of.

One woman may say “i dont share” and another may say, “hes my husband, but i know sometimes he likes variety, and so do i. theres nothing wrong with that. At the end of the day, he’s coming home to me.”

Do I have to like it? Doesnt matter.  That isn’t my wife. He’s not your husband.  You make YOUR rules, for YOUR marriage.  If gays and lesbiands can be married… and do… WHATEVER it is that they do to make them happy… whateverthehellever.  That’s them.  They’ll deal with whatever comes their way when they get there.  Its sad to say theres pretty much no way to tell other people how to live their lives.  And more and more people are starting to look at marriage that way.  Besides, the vows dont say anything about this.  Not to my knowledge.


What is cheating?




Wandering eyes photo: http://www.justlovebyd.com

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